Sooooo many people ask me this questions. Can guys & girls be friends? I’ll give you the straight up answer and then I’ll back myself up.
You heard it right. ME personally.. I don’t believe that guys & girls can really be friends. Understand that I’m coming from a wife’s perspective. But when I was a single woman, I didn’t really have a bunch of guys as my friends. They were more-so acquaintances. They were guys from my church and we would all go out in a large group with girls & guys and we would hang out then. There wasn’t a ton of 1:1 friendships going on. Now, as a wife- I’m cool with my friend’s husbands and when we’re all amongst each other–we will converse, but I’m not calling or emailing them on the side.
Let’s be clear:
The Bible does not forbid close friendships between men and women. As Christians, however, there are some principles that we would be wise to heed. Married people especially need to be wary of friendships with members of the opposite sex because temptations are more likely to arise when there are marital problems. If a man’s best friend is a woman who is not his wife, he is likely to share these problems with her, which can lead to an unhealthy emotional attachment.
Most married men (or women) who have affairs purposely go out to find a romantic interest outside of their marriage. So many people say, “I didn’t mean for it to happen; it just happened.” These things “just happen” when we put ourselves in situations that are difficult to control. When a man has a wife who is not necessarily very attentive to his needs, he could easily feel that he has fallen in love with another woman who does give him this attention he craves. And LADIES, don’t even think “this won’t happen to you”–As a wife, you’re GOING to get tested and that “guy friend that is always there for you”–is going to fill a void in your heart if your husband who you see all the time is driving you nuts. In a vulnerable state–you WILL cross boundaries. So there is NO option for me. It’s Jesus & my husband. WHY create extra wars in your mind & think that you have a back up plan when your mad at your spouse? (This goes for those of you in relationships too)
Even a marriage that is built on a foundation of faith in Christ and has relatively few problems is not immune to extra-marital temptations. This is why the Bible does not tell us to stick around and try to fight temptation, but to flee from it like we do from all “youthful lusts” (2 Timothy 2:22). Trying to fight temptation seems to become especially difficult when it comes to matters of the heart or the lusts of the flesh. First Corinthians 6:18 tells us that we need to run away from sexual sin, because it is much easier to run away from temptation than to stay and fight it.
Married men and women should carefully avoid putting themselves in compromising situations when it comes to the opposite sex. If they are seen together in public, it will give the wrong impression. If they are alone on the phone or in person, they will subject themselves to the temptation of an emotional or physical affair. The Bible tells us that everything we do should be for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31), so the wise thing would be to stick to visiting as couples or “double dating” with other married couples, as opposed to risking the complications associated with close friendships with the opposite sex
1. Their mindset is different- They communicate differently. A guy may be just being nice to a woman for YEARS and she may secretly like him and hope that one day he does ask her out. So if you’re being nice.. she may catch feelings. Either way, she’s emotionally connected to you.
2. It is natural for a man to be attracted to a woman and vice versa. Although you’re friends.. you’ll find things about each other that are attractive to one another. There’s not enough boundaries to put in place to stop that next level from happening. So, YOU may not like him but how do you know if you’re on the same page? He may secretly like you & won’t tell you because he knows that your friendship could be ruined. If you go around and ask most men if they would “get with their female friends”–they would say YES, if she let me.
Check out this funny youtube clip that I found—-> called “Why Women & Men Can’t Be Friends”
3. A friend is supposed to keep you accountable and a friend is caused to keep you sharp a man needs to be sharpened by a man and a woman needs to be sharpened by a woman because they are of like mind. There’s NO way that a man can tell me or help me understand why my hormones rage 1x a month and how I can deal with it. Just sayin’. 🙂
4. What happens when you do get into a relationship? There may be conflict between your “best male or female friend” and your now girlfriend or boyfriend. For example, if you’re dating a guy and his female best friend hates you–it puts everyone in an awkward situation. But men, if the woman you’re dating is someone you want to marry one day–your “best friend” is going to have to understand that she is going to have to be friends with your girlfriend in order for her to continue her friendship with your YOU. If the person refuses to be friends with your girl–then they have disqualified themselves from your life.
5. What about those secret affections for you? He’s just friends.. she’s my “homegirl.”–and deep down.. she’s thinking.. I want to be with you so the friendship is hurting her. So you become his back-up friend. You hang out with him a TON while he’s single but as soon as he gets into a relationship–he stops spending time with you and starts spending time with his new girl. Then, you feel stupid because you really care.
Some of you may disagree but MOST of you have an end goal to be married one day. If you really want to be married one day–spare yourself all of that drama. If you ask ANY husband or wife–they will tell you that they aren’t comfortable with their husband or wife having a best friend of the opposite sex. I don’t are how you flip it.. there’s still that nagging uncomfortable feeling. It’s not jealousy, it’s a holy righteous jealousy that is rightfully so. A marriage is powerful covenant & it’s to be protected.
Go out in groups with guys and girls & be kind to them. My husband & I went out in groups while we dated. You can best see a person’s true colors in groups because they aren’t putting on a private show to impress you. OUT of those groups–yes–1:1 dating can happen FROM a friendship. But you must court with a purpose.If you need advice from a male perspective, get on the phone with a husband/wife couple that are Christians and that are committed to helping you. Men, find another guy that can pour into you & help you out. If you don’t have any.. ever thought about asking God? He’s your PROVIDER. He has your back!
Also, my husband is my best friend. NOW. We courted with the intention to MARRY. We knew that we were going to head down that road so we were “friends” with a purpose. Any guy friend I used to be friends with .. is now friends with my husband. It just is.. what it is.
God loves you like crazy!!!