This is an area that so many of my ladies struggle with INCLUDING myself. I was actually scared of marriage for awhile because I knew that I had to submit to my one-day husband & I had a hard time meeting guys that I felt were WORTH submitting to 100%. So, take a peek inside of my journal really quick & lets get started.
Nov 13 2008
Me: Ughh I would of totally been married by now if my ex had it together
God: you would of totally been out of the will of God for your life.
**When God told me that, I laughed– it’s so like Him to correct me & my little discontentment. I’m thankful that He shut certain doors on relationships because NOW I see that my marriage was MORE than just legal sex. It has PURPOSE. My husband and I are taking on 10,000 & we have a MINISTRY of helping others, especially in the areas of dating, courting & relationships. Would I of had this in other relationships? Probably not. We sure wasn’t waiting to kiss until our wedding day. Jus sayin’.
(side note: My hubby & I connected after he walked by me for 3 years at church.. on Jan 3 2009..about 2 months after the above! 🙂 )
So, my first first message I preached was 10 wrong reasons to get married.. I decided to blog them as well. 🙂 You can check out the message after you read the top reasons– of course I elaborated on when I preached, so it’s worth checking out if you found yourself in any of these places.
1. Your lonely.. and you’ve jumped from relationship to relationship or friend to friend, job to job.. to fulfill some type of inner void that only can be filled by God. Not sure if your lonely? Spend a week by yourself and listen to what comes out of you when your all alone.. I did this when I was single & was SCARED of myself. I was so empty & SO lonely at one point.
Void Fillers Examples: shopping, man, jobs, food, exercise or whatever else you depend on when you’re feeling emotional. Whenever I would get lonely as a single woman, I knew that it was God calling me back to a closer relationship with HIM. He wanted my heart & I wanted to give my heart to randoms.
2. Fear of being alone– – You can’t leave yourself, so you may as well get to know you!! You won’t go out to the movies alone or to a really nice restaurant with Jesus and your bible. Be free! Learn to enjoy YOURSELF! What happens is..when you get married, you put that responsibility on that man and your issue is to big for him to handle, and he’s not equipped to take on the cares of you! That’s why Jesus lived, died and rose for you!
3. Depression- You better get in the only One that can remove those negative emotions! Recognize that wrong thinking is weighing you down and get away from those negative words that are determining your thinking. Stop using band aids to cover up all your emotional issues! I’m very honest with God when I say.. You know what, I’m needy, hot-mess.. I’m a desperate woman and I need your help in this area, and that area. I sure cannot do it without you and YOU said if I lack wisdom in any area, u would give it to me if I asked in faith (James 1) . So I thank you for being my Jehovah Shalom! YOU are my peace!
SO get honest with God about WHERE you are. Confessing it reveals it & GOD heals it.
4. You got prego out of wedlock.. and then ran and had a shotgun wedding..and said “WOW.. I got prego so fast..” lying..but that baby was already there! Then after you have that child those same feelings come back that you that had about that person you were dating. You weren’t READY to get married!
Getting to the root of this is important. Its like opening up 6pk of oreo’s. You eat one, and say you’re only going to eat one, but then you have another, then you’re watching tv and you smash the whole pack.. With sexual immorality- its the same thing!! Kissin leads to tongue kissing.. Which leads to rubbin’ layin’.. Tryin’ and lasciviousness or an inability to stop! We can’t take old poisoned ways of thinking and bring it into our new relationships!!
Then you rationalize, like he loves me, I’m the only one he’s doing it with- plus we repent and take communion afterward. Then you end up back in the bed!!! If you KEEP doing the same’ thing–you’ll get the SAME results. Take your tail HOME. As Christians, we must set boundaries and stick to them! One foot in the world and one foot in the kingdom is cancelling each other out which leaves you… In the same position! Then, you end up preggers. Don’t let a growing belly make you think that you have to make emotional life-time decision.
5. Desperation- You are getting older and want to have kids so you settle for some Ishmael that’s sorta-saved.. You better WAIT and cast down those thoughts that are contrary to the word by speaking the word over your life! You’ll end up either super unhappy, trying to control & change your guy or divorced, hurt & hardended towards God.. but HE is the one who told you not to marry the random in the first place.. Give your hurts to Jesus. Let Him heal you. Don’t turn from the only ONE that can make you WHOLE.
6. Insecurity- These issues will rise up in your marriage.. whatever you DON’T deal with now will amplify 100x in your marriage. Checkin’ his phone?? You don’t trust him!! Why are you with him? That little seed of checkin homies phone is gonna grow if you don’t get to the root of it! Stop cutting off the blade of every situation!! Get deeper! Is it that you’re carrying baggage from past relationships?? That other man hurt you so now you wanna be controlling so the next one won’t.. Or you really don’t think he’s “like” that, but you still check his phone anyway, just in case. The question is.. What are you bringing to the table??! Besides some cute shoes and a good weave?!! Pass the tests on the inside of you and the fruit will come! The last thing a man wants, married or unmarried is a insecure woman! Know who you are in Christ! Receive the right standing He gave you when he died for you!
7. Money– He has money and you want someone to come and save you like superman.. and wipe out all of your debt. Why don’t you get honest about yourself and your finances and tell God you need HELP in that area?! Do the natural and stop spending money on DUMB stuff! Statistic’s show that 50% of marriages don’t last with Money being one of the main reasons for divorce. Money is temporary. That’s why God tells us to keep our eyes on HIM alone & on heavenly things.
8. You’re a mama’s or daddy’s girl and you’re used to people taking care of you.. so you want your man to be your daddy but after that person nags you all day, then taps on your shoulder at night for sex.. you don’t want to have sex with a father figure! yuck! A man can look into your eyes and tell that you’re NEEDY and that taking you on is a full responsibility.
9. Because YOU are burning with passion for some sex. You better deal with that spirit of lust before you get married because it’ll creep back up during your marriage. Yeah, Paul said if you cannot contain yourself to marry.. but if you flip back to Malachi 2:16 it says that God hates divorce.. so if you’re going to get married you better make sure that Jesus is all up in it. If you got divorced, don’t beat yourself down– move on & live for Christ like it’s your last breath.
10. You aren’t whole and you want someone to make you feel better about you. God can truly fulfill of your desires! He can do it so much better than you!
With all of THAT being said..
If you found yourself in the above.. don’t beat yourself down. Evaluate your heart. WHY do you do what you do? If you say you love God, your life will show. Let your focus to be to LOVE God with your heart. If that’s your primary focus.. you wont’ have to worry about ANY of the above. God’s GRACE is sufficient. TRUST HIM.
God loves you like crazy,