pulled we can be in so many directions. Every minute of my time is filled with
doing something. Even now, as I’m on a two hour flight to Phoenix, I planned on
studying, reading, blogging and working on my book because I knew I would have
some uninterrupted time. I want to just
share some of what I do just to give you perspective.
First, I’m a wife. That in
itself is a full time job. Everything I’m about to name afterward besides spending regular time with God comes second to my husband. Even with that—I
have to manage it & work it around my husband’s schedule. Let me explain—my
husband comes first on this earth next to the Holy Spirit who leads &
guides me. ANY and all projects can get disrupted, shut down, put on the back
burner & prioritized when my husband sees fit. Thankfully, I didn’t marry
no crazy, controlling man. I married a fair, just man. When I first started
Pinky Promise, my husband and I got into a heated discussion about my schedule.
He said that I was married to Pinky Promise. I’m like WHAT??! He said I spend
all of my time, responding to emails, praying with girls, making bracelets, and
working on my business plan. He no longer was cooked for or paid attention
to him—and at night, I sure worked until about 3am making bracelets or responding
to emails so the time we used to have to talk to one another was being filled
by work. Although all of those things were GOOD, they weren’t good if Cornelius
wasn’t second to God and God would clearly tell me to make sure my husband had
his priority. My husband isn’t a needy type of man at ALL. He just wanted some
eggs in the morning. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.. I need to prioritize.
If all of this ministry stuff fades away.. what will I have? My FAMILY. And
Cornelius is my family. Him & I are the first of our family and I need to
make sure that I’m being a loving wife. I gotta be honest with you, I’m a
businesswoman. I’m not knocking the woman who is a housewife because THAT in
itself is a gift—I know you WORK your tail off. But the Lord didn’t call ME to
just be a housewife—housewife duties don’t come “natural” to me. Creating and
implementing a business plan gets me excited and keeps me up all night. Cooking
a few times a week,– is ok because we gotta eat and I wanted my husband to eat
healthy but cleaning meant I hired someone to come into my house to take care of it. My husband’s love language is “acts of
service” which means.. HE feels most loved when I’m cooking, cleaning and doing
things for him. Which can be hard for my mindset because of my schedule!! Let
me share. I own my own consulting firm. I’ve been consulting and working with
one particular company for 4 years. That’s pretty much a 9-6 job but I get to
work from home—which is awesome! I’m thankful. But I really have to be
available, meet deadlines and work on huge projects that take a LONG time. I
have to be able to dedicate time and energy to that company as a consultant.
Then, I have Pinky Promise. Pinky
Promise is the organization I started that reminds women of their value and
worth. It’s my baby. I love Pinky Promise—a Promise to honor God with your life
and body. (www.pinkypromisemovement.com). It was birthed when I started selling Pinky Promise
bracelets and gear (www.heatherlove.bigcartel.com). I knew that it wouldn’t be enough to just give
people bracelets to encourage them to not cheat on their husbands, have sex
outside of marriage or to cut out watching stupid reality TV. I needed to get
them involved, so I started a network online that has grew into the thousands
and has over 125 groups all over the world including the US, Africa and London.
Lets stop really quick and talk about the moving part of having a Pinky Promise
store. It’s SO much work!! There’s orders, changes in addresses, items that
were lost in the mail, items that arrived, but were stolen, people that want me
to donate, people that want bulk orders, back order issues, shipped the wrong
item, the list goes ON & ON! There’s a huge customer service aspect to it
that people don’t’ realize. When you’re selling thousands and thousands of
product, you’re bound to have issues. Plus, I am now working with a ton of
vendors and most of our bracelets are made from scratch. I hired a team in
Michigan who makes the bracelets and I make them as well, including the two
interns I have. Again, there’s moving
parts—getting the product wholesale where we can, searching for better
lettering beads (which we have and switched over! These beads last forever!),
then, the string is out of stock for 2 weeks, then my T-shirt vendor cannot
print shirts for another week, then, my team is running out of supplies in Michigan,
then, they need to get paid.. The list goes on & on. I’m constantly
searching for new, fun products for women to rock to remind them of their
value. So, YES! It’s a TON! Then, within
all of that, I decided to start the Network (www.pinkypromisemovement.com) as I said before, I needed to get the women
involved. Involved in their community, involved with each other, praying,
encouraging and supporting one another. So I started the network, and women
started creating groups! But of course they need material! So.. I pray for the
women and ask the Lord what He wants me to create for the women to study. I
create curriculum so they have something to study every time they meet. Then, I
teach once a month to them and encourage them to come up with things to do as a
group. I’m also planning a Pinky Promise Conference in January with a TON of women. There’s so many moving parts to that as well. (www.pinkypromiseconference.com) I ain’t complaining, I’m just sharing because I’m GRACED to do all this. I’m thankful.
Within all of that, I have thousands and thousands of women emailing me,
calling and asking for prayer, advice and encouragement. So, I always try to
get to as many as I can but I’ll be honest, it’s so hard sometimes because I
really just don’t physically have the time to respond to everyone! Then, I’m
blogging every week and writing a book that should come at the end of this
year. I also tweet and post statuses on facebook a ton to encourage people.
That’s important to me that I can encourage someone who is having a rough
day. Then, I love to work out and it
helps keep those stress levels down—and my husband loves it when I work out as
well, so I have to make that time to work out three times a week. Of course,
with all of this—I need to make sure I’m spending time with God daily because
if I don’t, I’m a trainwreck and weary. So I started the journal challenge on this blog to encourage people to spend daily time with God. It helps ME to stay
on track. I’m on day 57 I believe. I
also get invited to speak places, so my husband and I will travel go to preach
a few times throughout the month. Mind you, all of the above needs to keep
running on track, including the Pinky Promise Conference in Atlanta, GA that
I’m hosting January 24-27 2013. So…. NOW you understand why my husband felt the
way he did. I felt so pulled, so overwhelmed. One day, I just broke down and
cried. I had been going off of 4 hours of sleep a night, was in the middle of a
huge project, trying to get out Pinky Promise orders, help people—and mind you,
I still have a family and friends that expect me to call them and still
continue developing a relationship with them. I couldn’t physically do it all.
I was so tired.
before the Lord and I asked Him to help me. I wanted so bad to be this
superwoman but it didn’t matter if home wasn’t happy and home sure wasn’t happy
because I placed my husband at the bottom of all of that. I would cook here
& there and the house was a wreck! I was a wreck too—I still wore dresses
everyday while I worked from home but some days—it was yoga pants, a ponytail
and no makeup. I didn’t have time in my mind to get dressed for real. During
this time, I learned the real value of prioritizing. People always ask me, “How
do you do it all?!” Well, I depend on God’s grace 24-7 to get me through each
day and I make sure that spending time with God is my first priority and THEN
my husband. So, I make a point to wake my tail up and cook for him throughout
the week. This isn’t a law by any means but I want him to know that I am
considering him first. Then, I get dressed because I know he likes for me to
look nice—even if I work from home. Then, I go to my 9-6 and prioritize my day,
making sure that I get deadlines out. I brought on two interns that come to my
house a few times a week to help me get orders out. I also work into the night
on bracelets but I don’t do it as much. I’ve given that responsibility to my
team in Michigan who knocks out hundreds of bracelets weekly. I learned that
what I think is so important, isn’t really important if my priorities aren’t in
order. Don’t you understand that being “busy” breeds DISTRACTION? You’re
“running here & “running there” and you’re not really getting anything
done. What’s really important is not getting accomplished. We get so busy doing
the work for Jesus, our kids, our family that we forget that we’re supposed to
have a relationship with them as well. I stop and really listen to my husband.
If he asks me to do something, I stop and do it. If I know he wants me to cook
and I’m laying down after work.. exhausted, I get my butt up and serve him. I
married my husband, not my job, or my ministry. And you better count the cost when you stand
up there & run ya’ tail to the alter. Marriage is WORK in itself. My
husband is gracious and understanding, but deep down—he still wants his meal
and.. I want him to have it because I love him and desire to serve him.
tired, we’re most likely discouraged. We just don’t feel like there’s enough
time in the day. When you’re discouraged, you may go into self-pity and throw a
self-pity party. This is a party that only you attend and whoever else will
listen to you. You may say “I work so hard, why doesn’t my husband cook for me
or even THINK about dinner”, “why is it always my responsibility to clean up or
to initiate the cleaning”, I work my butt off—why can’t I get that new this or
that?”, or whatever reason or question you come up with.. will only dig you
deeper into your hole. It reminds me of 1 King 18. Elijah had a HUGE victory in
his life—fire came down from heaven and
won the fight against the prophets of Baal. How AMAZING was that victory? Then,
Jezebel said that she wanted him killed, so he went running for his life. He
ended up running to the desert and hiding under a tree—crying out to God “Don’t
you care about me??! You’re just gonna leave me out here like this Lord?” How
often do we have great victories in our life and we watch God come in and do
amazing things.. and then, we get distracted, weary, discouraged and wonder
where He is. He’s in the SAME place HE has ALWAYS been. RIGHT there with you
and at some point, you have to stop whimpering around and STAND up against
stupid emotions that try to push you around. You don’t have to give into
everything you “feel!” So the next time distractions or discouragement
comes—fight back! If you keep reading into 1 King 19 God sent an angel to feed
and protect Elijah in the midst of his frustration. So I know you may have a
day where you feel overworked, tired, stressed out and out of balance but you
need to go run to your Father’s feet. At His feet there is fullness of joy. At
His feet there is peace. Remember that anything you cannot stop thinking about
is an idol. So yes, your kids can be your idol. Your husband can be your idol.
Your job can be your idol. It is out of my LOVE for Christ (If you’ve done it
to the least of them, you’ve done it to me,” “Wives, submit to your husbands as
unto the Lord”) that I get my tail up and serve Him. My eyes stay on Christ.
When they’re on HIM, He’ll give me the energy to work out, respond to emails,
pray for the women, write my book, blog, cook, clean, take some mean time. I
depend on His grace daily. It’s when I lift my eyes off of all of these worldly things, I can finally
gain perspective. You gotta adjust how you’re seeing things!
tips of things that I do that help refresh and energize me.
1. Spend time with
God. Really. Spending time with God will give you PHYSICAL energy. I will say this in EVERY blog. Lets stop searching for some other formula.
2. Spend time with
friends. I LOVE spending time with my girlfriends. We always plan girl trips at
least annually and I am very intentional about spending time with my best
friends. I know that with what God called me to do, I need to get refreshed and
encouraged just laughing and hanging out with them. Girl time is vital.
3. ME time. I go
shopping, to the spa, window showing, or just to a park and read a book.
Spending time alone gives my head time to CLEAR.
4. I play dress up.
Ok, I know it sounds kinda weird— but I love shopping in my closet! I try on
different outfits, and come up with new ones. I even do this in the middle of a
deadline. It really clears my head. Lol
5. I take a moment
and vent it all to God—raw & uncut!
Lol I’m very honest with God—with my weaknesses and strengths, as HE already
knows. I make it my business to shine the light on the areas where I’m a hot
–mess so HE can change me. However, he seems to do a better job revealing than
I do! Lol Read Psalms 62.. David poured his heart out to God daily. Such a beautiful example
6. I have a
cheerleading section. Me & the Holy Spirit. I STIR myself up and I tell my
emotions to shut up and to figure it out and trust God. I just don’t run around
doing what I “feel.”
7. I step back from
everything, and I ask God to help me to keep my eyes on heaven & HIS
perspective and not my own.
8. I go running.
Something about working out clears my
head. Plus, it’s great for your body! #OperationSnatched
9. I cry. I’m not a
big cry-person whatsoever, but sometimes, I got to get it all out and then set my
mind that I trust God.
10. Spend time with
my husband away from the house! We go get ice cream, or go to dinner- just to
get away from the walls of the house.
spirit—it’s ok to say NO to people. They will be just fine. Don’t let humans
put a ton of pressure on you to do things. At times, I have to say “no” to
people that want to pull on me or drain me. For example, I don’t take personal
phone calls. At times, women from social media sites want me to call them to discuss their issue. I
really want to be sensitive to their issue but if I called every woman that
asked me too.. I would be out of balance again, drained and tired. I LOVE all
of you that reach out to me and I PRAY for you daily but my husband and other
priorities HAVE to come first at times. They just do. I work sun-up to sun DOWN and I rarely have the to come up for air. Thus, another reason I
started the Pinky Promise groups—now we have an avenue to which the women can
pray for each other and encourage one another. I’m only ONE person.
off that drain you and suck all your energy. If you’re surrounding yourself
around a bunch of draining people, please believe that you’ll most likely be
even more overwhelmed and tired trying to please them and keep up with your
schedule as you walk on egg shells around them. That just raises your blood
pressure. Aint worth it. I have eliminated any friendship where I believed that
I couldn’t be myself. That may sound harsh but I aint got time to be babyin’
anybody. Either you’re gonna give me the benefit of the doubt as a friend or
you’re gonna have to move to the side. I totally LOVE you still. No hard
feelings. You just cannot rock with me. You’re draining me and I need to be
FOC– USED on what GOD is calling ME to do.
AND if you’ll be in Charlotte, NC this weekend– I will be preaching at the Ruckus House June 22nd at 7:30pm- located at 3650 Ruckus Road in Harrisburg, NC. Here’s a link to the venue where I’ll be teaching. http://www.ruckushouse.com/locations/harrisburg.html