(flirting with my hubby! π We hosted an event a couple weekends ago in AL)
Ok, so you may see the title and think in your head– YES! I’m about to get WORKING on this list of HOW I can prepare for marriage. I think as Christians, we can be SO .. works minded. We just say, “give me this list & I’m going to do it & I’m going to be prepared for marriage.” Although I am going to give you some practical TIPS, nothing can prepare you MORE for marriage than the Holy Spirit who guides your life. Granted, reading books, studying, praying for your one-day spouse are all GREAT things. I am not saying don’t get knowledge– but the MORE you know– the more accountable you will be to that information.
Even if you do all of these things to prepare for marriage I want you to know that in marriage.. you will have your bad days. You will have days where you don’t feel good and you don’t feel like cooking or cleaning. You will have days where you want to quit your job. You will have days where your spouse is driving you up the wall. You will have days where you feel lonely. You will have days where you feel broken. You will have days where you don’t want to be bothered. A list of top ten whatever will be thrown out the window. You will know what to do, but you still won’t do it because of pride, hurt or whatever else.
Marriage is beautiful. It really is. But if you’re a train-wreck as a single, reading a page long blog sure won’t make your marriage work. The only One that can fix what is going on in your heart is CHRIST alone. If you’re bitter at every person that is getting married, having kids or getting a promotion then not even a marriage is going to make it better. A marriage will only reveal more of your heart and include someone else into your life. If you marry a man that doesn’t understand your past or that he is supposed to LEAD you & go into your heart & pluck out the wrong areas and lead you toward’s healing & Christ– you’ll marry a man that gets MAD at your past. He won’t know how to deal with it. He’ll stay frustrated, so will you. You won’t submit. He won’t die to himself. Thus, why the divorce rate for Christians is at 50%.
I’m not one for formulas. I believe God is very creative but I believe examples encourage us & remind us to trust God.
You finally recognize that no man can fill your little voids. As soon as you decide to cut off all men that distract you.. then, 10 more try to date you. You continue to take the steps needed because you KNOW that it’s not your time for a relationship. A mature woman knows that if she gets into a relationship right now– that she will MESS up somebody’s life. So she cuts out all of the idols. She gets quiet before God. She spends time with God daily & gets into that secret place. She knows that it’s not enough to say “I pray throughout the day & spend time with God that way–I don’t have set aside time.”–she has both. She understands that talking to God throughout the day is BIRTHED from that secret PLACE. She continues to stay on her face before God before she heads off to to work & throughout her day. Her friends get married around her & she’s so excited for THEM because her contentment comes from that secret place of quiet time with God & not some external circumstance. She doesn’t compare her life to others. She is continually pursued by men– I mean GOOD men. Christian lawyers.. doctors whoever else. But still..she’s not attracted to them. She doesn’t have peace about pursing a relationship with those guys. So she stays quiet before God. Time continues to pass & she continues to stay consistent in her relationship with God. She knows what God called her to do & she don’t wavier from it. The holidays roll around and you’re sitting at home alone with your family. Your family is on you about your clock ticking & being single. You smile & remind them that God’s timing is perfect as His peace overwhelms your heart. The jabs about your single life.. no longer bother you. You long for that secret place to spend time with God away from humans.. because there’s nothing like Him. So you pull away from your family & find a quiet room. You sit before God and tell him that you would rather be single for the NEXT 10 years then to date another random.
10 days later you meet your husband and you recognize him within 10 minutes.
This was my story. I believe that I best prepared for marriage by taking my eyes off of marriage & putting my eyes on Christ. I used my example because I saw a shift in my life where my heart went from getting the attention of some little boy to sitting at the feet of Jesus. Regardless of how long you wait for you husband I want to encourage you to STOP waiting. Lets look at the definition of waiting:
waitΒ·ing (w’tng)
n.
1. The act of remaining inactive or stationary.
2. A period of time spent waiting.
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29 Comments
This is an awesome post!!! Checked me on a couple of things, but that was needed! Lol! Glory to God for pouring into you as you pour into us Mrs. Lindsey! Love you!
This really touched my heart! I have been struggling with #3 and you have seemed to sum up what God has been trying to show me. I must learn how to maintain relationships, even when I disagree or don't like what another person has done to me. Thank you so much for sharing your life experiences with us, Heather!
WOW! Ironically, God has called me to do the very things that you are talking about! My main focus is to just sit at His feet. Everything else will be added in due time. Trust in God means trust in His timing! π
This was such an amazing blog!I pray for my Adam everyday but I never think about what am I doing to prepare for him too much. This put a lot in perspective. Thank you for sharing!
God really started working on my heart more than a year ago on this very subject (namely, the fruits of the Spirit). I don't have a lot of men approaching me..well, actually none, but developing all of these points helps us become a better person overall. Kind of a win-win in a way, because I want to be a great person after God's own heart for my friends and family too.
This was good! I had been "slacking off" lately and I needed this! One of the most important things that you addressed that I LOVED was about "getting a life." I learned about that a couple years back. I realized now I really need to get active in what God called me to do.
thanks so much love
and yay for Baby Lindsey bday in March! I am a March baby!
Great blog. I think that sometimes as women our want for a mate and to be married take up too much of our focus. Marriage won't fill a void. A wedding is not a marriage. We can't value becoming a bride to some man more than learning, wanting, and knowing what it is to become the bride of Christ.
Ladies, believe me Heather is right. Once you get so into God, you don't even think about marriage anymore. Being single doesn't bother you because you're so invested in God. That's how I am now and people don't understand it. If God wants me to be married one day then I will be. If God wants me to be single, then I will be single. Either way I'm totally grateful.
God knows you better than you know YOU. Let him continue to work on you. Let Him continue to sow wisdom into and one day you will reap the benefits.
Heather, I'm going to need you to stop reading my journal! Lol but seriously Sis this was amazing and so on point with what God and I were talking about. As always your encouragement is a breath of fresh air! Ummm but yeah why you got to call me out on cleaning my house though…haha You are a blessing and YAYYYYY Baby Lindsey!!!!!
Thanks Ms. Lindsey…i bought your husband's book so i am definitely taking inventory of myself, and doing my best to lay at his feet at all times.
Reading this list really convicts me, especially on the cooking lessons, exercise, and diet. I definitely need to work on being healthier, not only for me, but for my future husband. Congratulations on Baby Lindsey!
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this post was a blessing. thank you!
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Congratulations on the baby! Wishing you nothing but the best as you embark on the journey of motherhood and building a family.
AWESOME!!!!!!
hey heather, thank you for another great post. As usual, you really challenge the way I think about relationships and always bring me back to the way God intends for us single ladies to really trust in him and pour ourselves into him and he's promised to honour our faithfulness. I always have a blast reading your post but have not been able to find other similar blogs on the net that hit the spot like yours. Are there other blogs you enjoy reading that focus on the christian perspective to relationships? I spend a lot of time on the net reading loads of finance and design blogs but it it would be so great to find other sources of information about the spiritual approach to relationships. thanks much and all the best with the pregnancy.
Glad I found your blog, these words couldn't be more true. Congratulations on your newest blessing as well!
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Thank you Heather for this, just want i needed to hear.I need you say on this matter, sorry its a bit long.
Been believing God for a godly husband and there has been men coming but most have not be born again Christians so turned them down. Recently,two in particular showed up at different times saying that they would want to start a relationship with me to end in marriage. one of guys was my class mate in college, known him for about 7years though most of that time our interaction has been through phone calls and emails as we live far apart but i can say he has been a good friend. I look to him as a brother to me. from nowhere he is telling me that we've known each other for years he wants us to start a relationship which would end up in marriage. he is a christian and kind, but i haven't interacted with him in close proximity in years. for me i do not feel it in my heart-am kind of indifferent because to me he is more like a brother to me,kind of not attracted to him . I told him that i should pray about it and seek God's guidance. his response was ' but you can tell God what you want, you and i know each other from long ago lets give it a try'. i decided to fast and pray about it. but as i was doing so the direction of the fast changed. got conviction that i should become a 'living sacrifice'. so i changed the direction of my fast and started to just repent and surrender to God. realized that i should seek God not for what he can give me but to have HIM knit my relationship with Him, and to have God's love in me and let God work in me.
During my fast, which i haven't yet finished another man from my work place,who is overseas for studies called me talking of marriage. But he is a christian but drinks… i didnt give him a concrete answer but his calling me etc saying he wants us to date and then marry.
for me am not really drawn to either,do not have a feelings for them. is this normal? so far i think God has answered my prayer by showing me in various ways–mostly other people to focus on him to mold my relationship with Him. what would your advise be in relation t these 2 men?
Hi Heather,
Its always nice reading your wake up call blogs (post). Congrats again and blessings to you and Cornelius with your new bundle of joy to soon come. Yeaaaa π
Thanks for always lifting us up. God bless.
Lindsey, you hit the hammer right on the nail. We must be so consumed with God, and I have seen this in a church where I was at, the most consumed people, God brought them their mate, while they were consummed. Proof that if we seek First the kingdom of Heaven and His righteousness, that all things will be given to us. There is a vaccum sized hole in us, and that can only be filled with God, if we try to subsitute, anything else, in there, it will leave us only feeling empty wanting more. Lindsey, you have really been a blessing to me. Such a sweet fragrance of Christ, Jesus is using both, you and your husband to touch the world for Christ, I am so blessed and it encourages me in my walk to seek Christ all the more, not for the gifts, but because He is truly amazing!
Awesome job!
This was wonderful to read! I appreciate you including Practical tips…I gotta do better with cleaning the house and cooking healthy lol! But it's a start! God Bless you and your family!
Congratulations on your family asdition! You are a joy and I love you so muh without ever even have meeting you! I thank God for your obedience and for using you in my life:)
Mrs Heather Lindsey, God bless you for sharing these 10 points. I'm a Nigerian and a big fan of yours. Been guilty of healthy living and lifestyle in general and i need to improve on that. My walk with God has off and on like am backsliding but with your post, i'm more encouraged that i can do more.
Congrats to u and your hubby as u expect an addition to your family in march 2013.
Cute picture! I think you look a little bit like rihanna on this picture! Really beautiful!
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Hello Sister in Christ,
I thank you for the way God is using you, and how you have allowed him to use you!
I've been waiting for this one! Thanks sis, again so much Godly wisdom and insight!
baby lindsey can't wait to experience what he/she is bringing into this world. but im sure it would definately blow the minds of the people of his/her generation. like his mom and dad our doing to us now with these wise words. ( is cornelius blogging for us guys? )or are we left out to figure things out as usual.
Beautiful!!!God is very loving and kind!
Some great practical tips. Thanks girl!
Thank you Mrs Lindsey, I just saw your page, websites and blogs and I'm like where has this been all the while. I'm grateful… this is a great resource.