**(Before we start reading, I was actually writing a chapter in my new book, “The Runaway Bride” and I titled the chapter “The Insecure Bride.” I felt led by the Lord to share a snippet of the chapter with you. Note that this isn’t the entire chapter, but you can find the rest of it on June 5, 2015 on this site when it goes live! :))**
One of satans biggest weapons is doubt. Satan loves for us to question who we are and how we measure up to others (Ephesians 2:1-2; Ephesians 6:12; 1 Samuel 16:7). He wants us to feel insecure over the meaning and purpose of our lives, where we’re going, and how we’ll get there. If Satan can get you to doubt God, then you don’t think that He will use you. If satan can get you to doubt your looks, you will think that God spent less time on you and more time on another. If satan can get you to doubt your purpose, you will chase after money, get rich schemes and other things– all distracting you from your main purpose. More than anything, if Satan can get you to doubt Gods love for you, you will quit on God all together.
I just exposed his plan. So now that you know that, lets fight BACK.
Have you ever felt insecure before? As women, I think its like a secret society where we pretend like we have it all together. We pretend like we are confident, we never compare our lives to anybody else, we always feel beautiful, we always have it all together.
Let me tell you right now that its a lie.
EVERY person on this earth has dealt with this area of insecurity.
Including me.
As you all know, I shared my story, “When I was Single” and I grew up in a small town where I constantly compared my looks to everybody else looks. Social media and technology wasn’t as popular so instead of comparing my life to a persons life on instagram, I compared my life to my classmates. It seems like they always got the guys and no guys from my school asked me out in elementary, middle school or even high school. I went to a predominately caucasian school and I honestly felt left out.
Well, maybe if my hair was straight enough.. or if I was skinner.. or if I was this or that, maybe guys would like me.
I measured myself by a mirror called men. If they gave me attention, I ran with it and I felt good about myself. If I walked by a group of guys and they didn’t give me attention, I would go home and feel rejected. Yes, it was that deep for me. Hey, I was 15, what do you expect?
Those insecurities didn’t leave me when I got to college, it only worsened. Now, I’m on a campus with 45,000 students and ALL of the sudden, men are giving me attention. I look around and think.. “WHO are they looking at because there’s NO way they are looking at me!” I CONSTANTLY looked at everybody else and compared my life to their life! I just wanted to feel enough. I just wanted to be enough. So, while in school my freshman year in college, I maxed out about 5 credit cards, buying clothes and makeup to make myself feel better about who I was. I figured that if I cannot fix this feeling on the inside, at least I can dress it up on the outside. I wore all of these clothes to fill this God-sized void in my heart that could ONLY be filled by God!
How FRUSTRATING! Then, I jumped into a relationship with someone and what did I see in him? Nothing. He was older and he gave me attention. The attention I once craved when I watched little boys flirt with little girls when I was 10 years old. The 10 year old girl in me wanted so bad to feel secure in who I was so I acted out on my insecurity by dating a man that had no standards. I didn’t know how I was supposed to be treated because my affection was hurt. “If you hurt me, it’s ok. I’m ride or die. I will ride and die for you because I have no standards and I don’t feel good about myself. I’m afraid that if you leave me, then I will be rejected and I don’t like that feeling. I don’t like being single because my security is in this relationship.”
Thankfully, I found my way right out of that relationship and eventually gave my life to Jesus after a couple more dysfunctional, purposeless relationships.
So now, I KNOW better not to be insecure, right? I gave my life to Jesus, He washes my rejection, hurt and pain away and now I’m all the sudden “confident that He that started a work in me will complete it.” – (Philippians 1:6) Psh, I wish.
I have to be honest, I think some people from the outside looking in, think that for some reason that I have it all together. Like I don’t have “ugly” moments, like I don’t feel insecure in the calling of ministry, like I don’t feel enough. Let me clear this up really quick so that you know you’re not the only one.
I have my moments where I feel absolutely not good enough, not pretty enough, like I didn’t preach a sermon right, like I didn’t write a blog right, like I didn’t do this or that right.
I want to highlight a few areas where I noticed insecurity hitting us the most as women.
Let’s look at the definition of insecure: to be insecure is to lack confidence or trust, whether in ourselves or someone else.
And to be totally honest and to call it what it is, insecurity is OUR failure to trust God.
Jeremiah 17:7-8
New Living Translation (NLT)
“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.
When we are insecure, we are placing our CONFIDENCE and our hope in something ELSE other than Jesus Christ. SO of course this world is wandering around here insecure. Do you know that the plastic surgery business is a BILLION dollar industry? If you don’t like it, let’s change it to make you more “appealing” to society. You want to get women? Make money. Find ways to make a lot of money so you can attract women. Their hope and security is in looks, money and temporary things.
So, the first area we are going to look at in regards to getting attacked with insecurity is our looks.
Your looks
In a world of photoshop, airbrush, youtube gurus who have crazy before & afters and whatever else, it may be hard to embrace who God called you to be. As I mentioned earlier, it started out with my looks but then it trickled into other areas where I used those areas to measure my security. Sadly, looks will fail you because they’re built on a foundation called society. You may feel like your hair isn’t curly enough, or straight enough, or you aren’t light enough or dark enough. You may walk into a room with other single Christians and immediately start comparing yourself to them because.. you feel like you’re not enough. Or, a guy at church may pass you over (And you REALLY liked him & thought you guys would court Gods way..) for one of your friends. Don’t you DARE let insecurity rob you from knowing that God hasn’t forgotten about you. God knows the desires of your heart and you lookin’ at this fine man at church but God is looking at his HEART. He’s saying’ baby girl, he may look good to you but his will and purpose doesn’t match yours. So, I’m going to protect you from this relationship. I’m going to keep you hidden so he doesn’t even look at you. YOU may be thinking it’s YOU He doesn’t like but it’s really God BLINDING his eyes from seeing your beauty.
On TOP of God hiding you, one group of people MAY think your pretty while in another culture, they think you’re unattractive. I recall meeting a family in an african country who told me that my husband was unhappy because he was skinny and I needed to feed him more. Whoa. Huh? In their country, the men and women were much larger because the larger you are, the more “prosperous” and happy you are. Huge change from America huh?
Today, we must recognize that our looks ain’t everything. You can have all the looks in the world and die tomorrow. Or, you could get into an accident and lose your looks. We must settle this truth that
“And those who know Your name put their trust in You, for You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You” (Psalm 9:10). We must get back to our first love. Our real trust. And that’s in Jesus. Our hope and our confidence is in Him, not some mans opinion of us.
So, remember that you are BEAUTIFULLY and wonderfully MADE by God. He makes NO mistakes and your value isn’t found in a mans opinion. Settle this truth in your heart.
So, remember that you are BEAUTIFULLY and wonderfully MADE by God. He makes NO mistakes and your value isn’t found in a mans opinion. Settle this truth in your heart.
Lets look at another area where we are attacked, in our “status” or materials.
Money & Possessions
I believe that the world gives us a false sense of security when it comes to things. So, if you accumulate a lot of things, you’re blessed. If you don’t have much, you are cursed. If you don’t have the latest iPhone, newest car, biggest house, bank account or whatever else, then you’re considered a failure. It’s almost like whoever has the most toys wins in life and that’s totally incorrect and not biblical. The bible is clear when it tells us not to put our hope in things on this earth but in God alone.
1 Timothy 6:17
New Living Translation (NLT)
Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment.
I can assure you that money and things will bring insecurity to those who place their hope in them.
This can go for college as well. You may be getting a ton of degrees to feel valued because you don’t feel good about yourself, or you want to “prove” yourself to those who said you wouldn’t be anything. What a terrible reason to get into debt! People bondage. Or, even you parents! (gasp!) We must be led by the Lord in our purpose and not others expectations. What if you weren’t called to be a lawyer or a doctor? What if God called you to do something else? I know in some cultures, it’s considered disrespectful to disobey your parents but I would rather feel some heat on this earth than to stand before God and be judged on an entire life of disobedience all because I wanted to place my earthly parents. If you’re in this situation, pray and ask the Lord to change or move on your parents heart
Matthew 10:37 – “If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. We must love God more than anything or anyone and in loving Him, we remain obedient to Him at all times. We are currently saving for our sons, Logan’s “purpose” fund. Not an educational fund. If God doesn’t call Him to college, why would we make him go? God may call him to preach. Or to do something else and we support what the Lord has called him to do. I know it’s almost unheard of to walk by faith but this is why we have a bunch of people in positions and they are miserable. God aint’ call you to that honey, it’s time to get on your face & go to where He’s telling YOU to go.
Worrying about the Future
Another area I find that people struggle in and even my own life is being worried about the future. Oh God, what if I never get married? Oh God, what if I can’t graduate, oh God, what if my husband divorces me like my dad divorced my mom? What am I going to eat tomorrow? Lord, I don’t have any money! I thought you said you would take care of me? Lord, what if the guy I’m courting isn’t a good leader, how can I trust him even though I know you showed me he is Gods best!
Matthew 6:31-34
“Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow.”
This goes back to my point earlier, insecurity in God providing for you will cause you to doubt HIS provisions! If you doubt that God will provide for you, fear will grow in your heart followed by no peace and eventually depression. You will begin to meditate on your situation or “what ifs” over, “Lord, you’re faithful. I trust you. Show me what to do. Give me wisdom Lord.
Distractions of this world
Insecurity may also result from being preoccupied with the things of the world: “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him” (1 John 2:15). Let’s be clear, security is not to be found in this world’s people, things, or institutions, including government institutions. Some people become obsessed with having the right leaders in government, the right laws, and the right policies. When the government is in the wrong hands the nation is doomed. However, the Bible teaches us that God is in control and His sovereignty extends to governmental leaders (Proverbs 21:1; Daniel 2:21). While we should practice good citizenship and vote our conscience, we must also recognize that government policy cannot save us. Only God can do that (Isaiah 33:22; Psalm 143:6).
Church Leaders, parents, boyfriends or husbands
Lastly, we can at times put our trust and hope in our pastors, parents (especially their bank accounts), boyfriends or husbands. We must understand that MAN can and WILL let you down. Our trust and foundation must be in Christ alone as HE is the only true foundation. “So this is what the Sovereign LORD says: ‘See, I lay a stone in Zion, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who relies on it will never be stricken with panic’” (Isaiah 28:16). Jesus is the solid rock and our only hope of security (Matthew 7:24). So, insecurity CAN be birthed from placing all of our hope in the WRONG people and then when you get let down by them, you can began to charge other people like “everybody is the same.” Even, (gasp) your husband. I love my husband, but he isn’t my god. I look past him and I put my expectations in the Lord and trust Him. What if God forbid, something happened to my husband and all of my hope was in him? And don’t let your hope be in your boyfriend who isn’t interested in Christ. You will lower your standards because you don’t feel good about yourself and do things that are on ungodly to keep this man. Your insecurities are setting your standards, not God. It’s time to be free sis.
These are just a few areas, but let’s be real here, the reason for our insecurities is because we are focused on ourselves. We are too preoccupied about our life, our future, our money, our stuff, our looks and everything else. The bible warns against self-absorption and pride in Romans 12:3. Remember that GOD started this work in you and you HAVE to let Him COMPLETE IT! Pull out your scriptures, spend time with God daily, cut off crazy relationships and identify what areas in your life are birthing insecurities!
True security comes when you recognize that “God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19). When struggling with feelings of insecurity, never forget God’s promise: “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” (Isaiah 26:3). So now, when I get tested, I remind myself that I will believe the best, and that God started and finished a work in YOU and that I trust Him. There’s a battle going on in your mind and it’s time to surrender that a battle and give it to the Lord.
Just a few things:
1. Find my (3) books, purity rings, shirts & all that good stuff via pinkypromiseboutiques.com!
2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It’s out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey’s
3. If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Midtown Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: “The Gathering Oasis” 931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.
4. Register for the 2015 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year and it’s ALMOST sold out now, so you don’t want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com
6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There’s about 33,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com
7. Pinky Promise is hosting a statewide baby shower for low income & single mamas in Atlanta, GA on September 12. If you want to donate or be a part of it, please email pinkypromisequestions@gmail.com For donations only, you can send the payment via PayPal to pinkypmovement@gmail.com & be sure to note that its for the Statewide Baby Shower. All donations are tax deductible.
8. I’m headed to California & VA/DC area in April. Check my calendar for event details!
God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey
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41 Comments
Beautiful blog Heather! You're so awesome! God is using you to minister to me. Thank you. To God be the glory.
A slap in the face, punch in the gut, kick in the rear–ouch and amen! Thank you Holy Spirit for leading Heather to post this!
Heather,
When facing a time of isolation and wanting to pass a test, what does one do not to focus on pain or doubt? I read my Bible constantly for hours a day and I worship God with all my heart; however, I find where I can't sleep, wake up crying in the middle of the night… This has to be most difficult time in my life; it seems like the more I get in God, the more uncomfortable it gets.. Can you please offer me some insight.
Hi sis,
I don't know everything and I'm also going through things as well but last Sunday I learnt a few things
-God will never give you anything that's beyond your ability to handle. If He lets you go through it, it's because He already knows you CAN come through it.
-Everything God allows is neccessary, like he doesn't bring unnecessary things our way. He used something simple to illustrate this to me…even simple unplanned things. Maybe if they didn't happen, you wouldn't be pushed to get something important or needful in the future if it was left to you.
-Your trial will not only become a testimony to others in the future but it will give you encouragement and hope in future trials once you get through it
-In one way or another, trials bring opportunities for us to develop something we otherwise wouldn't
-As His child, God is always with you even if it looks like He isn't
-God loves you.
-God never stopped loving you
-He will never let the worst happen
-He is still watching you and cheering you on and ready to provide strength and grace whenever you need it for this trial.
Anonymous, that was beautiful. I struggle, too. What you posted here blessed me, too. ?
Oh my my my!!!!!!! This is beautiful!If you didnt yoich anyone else just know God used you to get to me. Thank you for the encouragement.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank God for you! He knew how much I needed this today!
Now this was a much needed post. Insecurity is something I've wrestled with for years. They have definitely surfaced more now that I am married. Reading your post really convicted me on the practical steps I know that I need to take to overcome the spirit of insecurity. Knowing is only half the battle. I need to walk in wisdom and be intentional about my relationship with the Lord as it is me not trusting him that is the real issue. Thanks Heather for such a candid post. I look forward to the new book.
Your insecurities have surfaced more now that your married? Please can you expand on that because I thought that once your married yor insecurities lessen, cause your not trying to attract the attention of any other guy, you have a constant friend, youve ticked off 1 of your life goals etc Am I wrong? I suffer at times with insecurity and thought it would fade away because of the above reasons?
Anonymous @3:03 AM – I don't think you read this post fully. Insecurities can/will surface whether you are married or not. It is a staple weapon of the enemy against all of us. Insecurity only fades when you focus on Christ and make Him your security and rock. Marriage, husband, constant friend, ticking your life goals, etc. are not insecurity blasters. Only GOD is.
You are so right @Anonymous 11:33am. Being insecure is more about our relationship with God than it is about any person or thing. Insecurities tell you that you're not good enough. You don't measure up. It's an attack of the enemy as Heather stated in the post. The enemy does not stop attacking when you get married. Instead of not being pretty enough to get a man, the enemy's new tactic may be to try and get you to focus on all the pretty women at church who smile at your husband. Different MO but basically attacking that weakness in you. You are still the same person and the issues you face are still there. Gaining a certain status does not heal our soul's of infirmities. Only Jesus can do that. In my case, I have a wonderful man who loves the Lord and me but even he can't heal the brokenness in my heart. Only by me focusing more on Christ and not myself can I experience victory in this area. This post reminded me that I have a part to play which is staying before the Lord daily. I pray this response finds you ladies well. Be blessed. 🙂
Thank you so much Heather foor this post, I actually found and read it exactly when I needed it so bad, God just answered my prayers through you, I love you girl, I wish i lived in ATL GA, 🙂 I will sure buy your books online, planning to attend the PP conf next year. you always bless me…
Thank You so much I needed this! I struggle with the way I look so this really helped me. Peace & Blessings!
This was so on time, like for real. I was just talking to God about my insecurities and I go on FB and see this blog! Thank you so much for being obedient to the call that God has on your life. You are truly a blessing!
I struggle with my physical appearance daily. Thanks so much for this! Peace & Blessings!
Happy Easter!
thank you so much for this. I'm going through this right.now. I was secure in myself until I started dating this guy. Before him, I vowed to save myself for marriage. Somewhere along the line, I gave in to fornication. (Before this, he appeared to be a Godly… guy.) In tge beginning stages, he was the pursuer. Being that he's the only guy I've been with and dated, I found myself putting him before everything. Eventually, I became the pursuer. One day, he.wants us together, the next day he doesn't. I find myself feeling worthless now and badly wanting his love and approval. Thank you so much for posting this
This was exactly what I needed to hear! It is so easy to get caught up in society, relationships, and work. Insecurity is a crippling plague that attacks us in ways that we can't recognize most of the times. Thank you for understanding and giving great words on how to prevail through it. This was very encouraging and enlightening. Stay blessed Heather!
I do believe the Lord is using you in a great way. Your words always encourage me and I am always blessed. I thanks God for what he is doing in your life and your obiediance to him. It would be so good if you came to England to hold an event. God bless you sister.
I really needed to hear this! I grew up very insecure, and still dealing with it, but the Lord is working on me. I've always thought that I'm not pretty enough or good enough. I'm 20, never had a boyfriend or been on a date, so I would always think that something is wrong with me, and that I wasn't pretty enough. There was a poiny where all my friends were in a relationship and I was the only single one, and I would question God where's my man? I wanted all the love and attention that mt friends were getting. But God has constantly been telling to be patient and to just trust him. Thank you for posting this and may God continue to use and speak to you.
OMG you just wrote a book on my life !!!!! except the only difference is that im 21 !! omg I thought I was alone in being that I grew up very insecure and sometimes still am and have never had a boyfriend nor have been on a date ! sorry youre going through this but im glad im not alone 🙂 we must stick together and know that God has our best interest at heart!
I needed to read this post right about now. God bless and increase you.
Thank you so much for this blog post .I needed to read as this an area I struggle in.
Thank you Heather for this post, and all the other posts, they are so real and true. You are an amazing woman and i always pray for you and your family. Your blog articles and youtube videos have been such a blessing in my life, you have no idea how much. Thank you so much Love you and God bless you guys. P.S Looking forward to getting the book 🙂
Absolutely loved this post! God has really been dealing with me in this area and this was extremely encouraging God bless you. I have also recently started a blog and would love for you to check it out http://fordaddygirls.blogspot.co.uk/
Thank you. God will bless you .
This is definitely what many of us need to hear. I love the insight and Godly wisdom as you eloquently embellish and it penetrates leaving me hungry for more. I thank God for you and His ministry through you as it clearly knocks down blinders and allows me to see the Truth of Gods word in a way I can meditate and ponder His will for my life for Him
This was absolutely excellent! Love you! Love your writing! Love that God speaks through you in a way that we all can understand.
Take care & a ton of love,
Ash 🙂
This blog post has alot of life in it! Thanks for being a blessing to me and many others!
Awesome message, thanks for sharing God bless you.
Crying because i still struggle with this everyday and im almost 21
Dang Heather! God is using you girl! You always have a way of convicting me! I love it! You be speaking the truth!
Excellent!!! I'm glad someone was brave enough to tackle this topic
Thank you for allowing God to use you to address this topic. This is an issue every girl can relate to. I can honestly say the pressure to focus solely on our looks has reached an all-time high thanks to social media. My heart aches for young girls out there who measure their worth by the attention they receive from the opposite sex. Scrolling through the comments I couldn't help but sympathize with the girls in their early 20s who have never had a boyfriend or has never been on a date before. I'm in my 30s and still single, i have never been on a date. Yes you read that correctly. Now society will have you believe that there's something wrong with someone in their 30s and still single. And I can seat here and try to defend my relationship status at 30 something but who cares. I’ve dealt with my share of insecurities. For me I always felt like I wasn't beautiful enough. I would hear God say to me, "you are beautiful and i'm always looking at you" but that just wasn't enough for me. I needed that affirmation from humans; it felt awesome to hear someone say “you are beautiful”. I realized I was telling God in essence his thoughts about me don’t really matter. What an insult!!!. I’ve come a long way; I'm gradually improving and understanding that I’m beautiful enough. If God wanted to make me prettier, he would have done so from the beginning. He made me this way for his glory, he is pleased with me just the way I am regardless of what anyone else thinks. Even with this knowledge, i'm still tempted to compare myself to others every now and then. I have to proactively meditate on God's word and his thoughts about me. I want you to know that being in a relationship with some guy, being married, having kids, accomplishing your career goals (these are all great) are not the totality of your existence. God created you on purpose for a purpose. That purpose is to have an intimate relationship with him. I pray that God will continue to grant us the grace to embrace this purpose
Reading this brought uncontrollable tears down my eyes. I have been feeling so awful for a while and yet couldn't define that feeling. Sometin js popped in my head and am like,yea I havnt checked ur blog in a while. It's to difficult to accept God has used U to speak to me the very truth. I felt so ashamed of my actions in the past. Am ready to face the truth and allow God's will to be done in my life. Thanks Heather. God bless u richly.
Oh my right on time…along with the don't give up encouragement today…God speaks. Jesus heals. Psalms 107:20..it really is The Living Word! Praise The Lord people, bless Him at all times! Command your soul!
Thank you for being obedient to the Lord and writing a blog post about this topic Heather. It was so enlightening in so many dimensions. I pray for the Lord's blessings and rewards for your obedience and service to Him IJN.
right on time!
Thankyou Heather. This is beautiful. God bless.
Just sitting here and as I read your delivery experience, I decided to read this story as well. Heather you just don't know. I read this before but I had to read it again. Well I am according to the state of FL homeless. No job. No husband. My mind is everywhere. All I have is a high school diploma. Sometimes, I feel like a failure. I feel like my dad and everyone else looks down on me. A 22 year old separated woman with 3 children. Then I have to tell myself to snap out of it. I have to practice what I preach. Once I stated on my fb status if I lose everything and I still have Jesus. Than I have lost nothing at all because he's all I need and more. When people turn their backs he's there. When I have no place to stay he shelters me. When I think I'm not pretty enough he reminds me who I am in him. That there's no flaw in me. So be encouraged. Thank you much for this specific blog. God bless you Heather.
Thank you Heather for being obedience to God's word. You've been a very effective aspect in my life these past couple of days. I feel like God led you to me because I feel like we can relate. Thanks again
so reassuring:)