So.. the relationship finally came to an end. Your heart is broken, you’re sad, frustrated and you did everything you knew to make the size 9 shoe fit into a size 6. So WHAT do you do now??! You may have broken up yesterday.. 6 months ago.. or 3 years ago but it still hurts DEEPLY.
I have BEEN there. It’s not a happy feeling. Even if you know that “random” wasn’t God’s best for your life. So, hear me out for a few minutes through that empty feeling.
1. First question is the most important question. If you don’t have this question settled, the others will mean NOTHING. Let’s all be clear. So my question is– “Are you a Christian?” This question is important because when you prayin’ I want to make sure you’re praying and getting your strength from the ONE & only Living God. Jesus died on the cross to heal our broken hearts and all of our pains and worries. (The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit- Psalms 34:18). So if you dont’ have a relationship with Jesus, NOW is the time to get one. And don’t feel bad– if you read my other blog on my single life a BAD relationship is what brought me to Christ. I HIT rock bottom– hardcore & felt like I had no purpose and had no value. I wanted so bad to fill that empty void in my heart with humans that could only be filled by Christ. So I can sit here & tell you to “Confess with your mouth & believe in your heart that Jesus died on the cross and you will be saved (Romans 10:9) AND this is true– AND the believing in your heart will be demonstrated in your LIFESTYLE. So, give your heart to Jesus– find a church that teaches the word correctly (not all that screaming, hollering or twisting of the scriptures), get a journal, spend time with God daily, (I just linked my blog on spending time with God) go on dates with Him, Learn Him– then OBEY Him. Remember, that Jesus is your source for EVERYTHING. Filling your God-sized void with some other religion, purse or human aint gonna help you.
Ok..now that we’re clear on that one.
2. YOU HAVE TO GUARD YOUR HEART!!!!!!
(Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.- Proverbs 4:23)
If I could scream this from the rooftop–I would. After you have a breakup that you know wasn’t God’s best for your life–you’ve got to go get some GATES and surround them around your heart. If you’re STRUGGLING with getting over him or her– you dont’ need to WATCH their life via facebook and twitter. Block them, delete them, change your phone number, remove them from skype, facetime or whatever else may tempt you to reach out to them. If you want to keep them around–you just don’t want it bad enough. You still may have an inkling of hope that you guys will get back together. And you know what–you may? But that CANNOT be your focus. Your focus must always be CHRIST alone!! If God wants ya’ll together, HE will press it so hard on your heart–you will feel like you’re DISOBEYING Him by not working things out with that person. (Ya’ll married folk understand). Give his or her clothes to a friend and have your friend give them to him or her. Don’t try to pick up the phone & meet up, for what?! That’s just going to allow more opportunities for .. additional unnecessary conversation. What a emotional waste. So if you’re hanging out in the same groups– pull BACK. After breaking off a really hard relationship when I was single–I had to NOT go out in groups for about 6 months to a year because I knew my ex would be there. At that time, I wasn’t over him & we attended the same church. I was WORKING on something and I NEEDED to get whole.
3. Ok, we’ve settled that Jesus is Lord of our life.. and we’re guarding our hearts. Now what? Now– YOU have to make sure that you’re spending time with God daily. If you’re not renewing your mind daily, you’re going to end up with a new random. Different guy, same issue. Ephesians 4:23 tells us to “Be constantly renewed in the Spirit of your mind (having a fresh mental and spiritual attitude).” Remember that your emotions are very VURNABLE right now. You don’t want to just rush into a new relationship. I used to do this too.. for YEARS. I can tell you, I ended up building my relationships on a foundation of more hurt.. and when the winds blew & the rain came (tests & trials of life)–it blew my little relationships down.. and more hurt built up.
4. STOP listening to that sad story music & certain TV shows. If a certain song brings some bad memories to your heart.. no matter HOW beautiful the singer can sing.. shut it down!! I remember I used to despise this one song that was me & my “exes” song while we dated. So when it came on.. I turned it, threw away the CD and I deleted it from my computer. I fought back. YOU have to as well.
5. Don’t hang out with the messy friends. Yes. This is really important. It’s important because YOU don’t need any thing but LIFE spoken into your heart. So if she’s talking about “getting” that guy because he got some money, or lets go to the club to get some ballers” or for men- if they wanna go “go to the strip club to get your mind off things”– THEY shouldn’t be your FRIEND. A FRIEND PUSHES YOU TOWARDS CHRIST NOT AWAY FROM HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t care how long ya’ll been friends.
6. As I said before, this time is very delicate. Satan is after your mindset. If he knows that he can have your mindset all messed up he can get you out of the way and you’ll be ineffective for Christ. Write up some confessions. Look up scriptures on Trusting God & your Mindset. Just google them. You’ll find a ton. Meditate on them, write them on note-cards. Study 2 Corinthians 10:5. Capture those stupid thoughts & make them obey Christ.
7. What about his or her family? Ok, so you broke up with him/her but you’re close with their family? Well, you’re working on something. Explain to them that you need some space and that YOU connect them to HIM/HER, no matter how you flip it. Guard your heart.
8. Speak life. Don’t go bashing him or her. You thought they were all that at some point. No blame gaming. Let God seek revenge. You don’t need to. GOD is clear– “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.” Hebrews 10:30. SHUT that pride down that feels like it has to defend itself.
9. No shopping sprees or any HUGE decision. Whenever we break things off we want to do something dramatic like cut our hair or move to another state. NEVER make a big decision when your emotions are on a high like that. Make sure you’re being God-led. Yourn geographic location is IMPORTANT.
10. Finally, no after-friends with benefits sex. Yeah, I had to put this in there. Even though you’re a Christian and all that– I know. I’ve talked about this before.. Oxytocin is a BONDING hormone that will CONTINUE to bond you to an unhealthy relationship & additional soul & physical ties!! So if you wonder why you cannot get over them, it’s because you keep bonding yourself to them. THIS hormone is supposed to be released in a God-centered marriage. NOT with a random that bonds himself to anyone with a booty. So, LOVE yourself enough to say NO & STOP!!!!!!!! It’s not worth it! Your body is NOT YOURS! It belongs to CHRIST!! You’re just a manager! And if you keep having sex with him to get him to stay with you–let me tell you the truth, he’s having sex with other chicks too and they think the same thing. He sure can’t marry all of ya’ll. Be free. And I pray right now that in the name of Jesus that EVERY soul and physical tie is BROKEN right now.
So dont’ go back.
God loves you like CRAZY and has someone GREAT for you.
Will you get alone long enough for Him to show you or will you run to another boyfriend or girlfriend when He tries to show Himself to you?
Be whole.
Heather Lindsey
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