I get this question a ton– people say, “The Lord told me that so & so was the one,” so I figured that I would address it in my blog.
Let me tell you my quick husband story. My husband and I attended the same church. I was extremely active in ministry as I was a part of the Media Team, Dance Ministry, Women’s Ministry, Prayer Counselor and the Special Events Team. I was busy about pursuing God. Granted, I kept me a boyfriend on the side here & there but for the most part– I was committed to Christ. I attended the church in New York– my now husband attended the church in Atlanta (same church, two locations). He would always travel with the pastor because at the time, he was his assistant and right hand man. So, every Saturday, the pastor and Cornelius would travel to New York and I would always see this young guy in a suit running around– looking all serious! Was I attracted to him? I mean, I thought he was cute– but he was always so serious and like I mentioned before, I kept me a little boyfriend so I always was pretty focused on them. So we walked by each other for three years. We both attended the same meetings together and we were even in a room with just 2 other people & spoke briefly just 2 years before we actually started courting.
Three years after walking by each other– and one day we started talking. I’ll be honest with you, I knew within 15 minutes of talking to my now husband that we were going to get married & have a ministry. HOWEVER, 4-5 years earlier than that– I thought I heard the same thing. I was being introduced to this guy at church and I shook his hand, I heard “That is going to be your husband”–I thought.. HUH? No way! And just kept it moving. A few months later, we became friends– always hanging with the same group of people and then I started to become attracted to how nice he was. He wasn’t my TYPE whatsoever but he was such a nice person– I almost felt obligated to give him a chance. Plus, I mean.. I “heard” he was going to be my husband right? Mind you– I knew my purpose. I knew that one day I would be in ministry full time with my husband and do all these things for Christ. I was confused on how this was going to happen because that relationship began to NOT glorify God. We started to do things that SEPARATED us from God. And I won’t beat around the bush, I told the guy I didn’t want to kiss until I get married .. and we ended up fornicating. Then, I couldn’t stop! I couldn’t find the breaks. Then, what I thought I heard.. I began to not believe. The proof was in the pudding. Our relationship was pushing me FURTHER & further AWAY from God. Our relationship was so far from …
Ephesians 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
So as I read that scripture, I begin to weep. I said.. God.. how is my then boyfriend who said he’s going to be my one-day husband presenting me? It scared me because I knew the answer. My one-day husband was supposed to PUSH me closer to Christ and I knew that it started in the courting process. Although he said he loved me & we were boyfriend & girlfriend for a long time.. I knew that I became his idol and vice versa. God is clear in Exodus 20:3 that I was to NOT worship any other god but Him. So although I was saying that God was my God.. and I served in all these ministries and prayed for all these people.. my heart was so far from Him. I called out His name with my lips but went right back into the bed with my little boyfriend and SHOWED God who my real “god” was. It was my flesh. It was my desires. It wasn’t GOD. If it was REALLY GOD– I WOULD HAVE LIVED LIKE IT!!
Long story short, we broke up. God told me over & over again to BREAK IT OFF. I learned that EVEN if you “hear” that a certain guy is the “one”– you may be WRONG. You may have mis-heard God. The proof is in the pudding baby. God is so powerful, so awesome that He knows in advance EVERY situation and EVERY relationship. He even foreknew who would CHOOSE Him one day and get saved. He knew that guy wasn’t my husband!!!!!!!! That was either my emotions or satan telling me that lie. GOD knew my husband was going to be Cornelius & wasn’t surprised by it!! It was a DISTRACTION and some of the things we think we “hear” distract us and PUSH us so far from GOD! We get all wrapped up in what we think we heard & then the guy marries another girl .. & then you’re all mad at God so you ignore Him & start dating some thug guy that sleeps with you & everything else that moves. Guess what sis?
God didn’t tell you that “he” was the one! Why would God tell you that when you cannot be faithful in small things? Why would He tell you that & now its got you ALL messed up because now.. you’re trying to throw yourself at some guy to “make” something work that wasn’t meant to be!! Why would he tell you something that would replace your desire for HIM for another man?
So, I gotta be honest with you. Like.. this is sister to sister– heart to heart. If you thought you heard God say that about a person– LET IT GO. Seriously. Let it go. If the relationship is meant to be– IT will develop with FIRST, the man pursuing YOU. Sadly, you’re taking ownership in your mind & heart over a man that doesn’t even know your last name. He aint yours baby girl. Your focus must always be on Christ & NOT on the distractions of this WORLD! Your life is much greater than your MARTIAL status & if you don’t get up get BUSY about what GOD is calling you to do, you’re going to be switching all hard trying to get the attention of somebody else’s ADAM! (I talked about “Where is my Adam here– if you want to read it).
(our very first date 1/8/2009)
Now, back to the story with my husband and I. Both my husband and I KNEW within 15 minutes that we were going to marry each other. Neither one of us said anything. We just talked and talked.. and talked..and talked & got to KNOW each other. We discussed marriage & if I would be willing to move to Atlanta if we got married. We courted with PURPOSE. Sometimes, we tend to get “wrapped” up in what we think “God” said & we start playing house like we’re married.. and you ain’t married honey. On our first date, Cornelius said “I’m not going to kiss you until the wedding day.” THEN we set up boundaries. No sleeping together, no cuddling, no kissing on the hand, the cheek, no movies, no NOTHING. We hung out in groups. I didn’t dress half naked around him or try to test the standard he set up. Over time, I saw myself developing emotionally. It wasn’t pretty. Courting
was ROUGH. I began to watch God peel off my layers of heart & show me how jacked up I was through my relationship with Cornelius. Although it was hard.. I was getting better.. stronger, less emotional, less manipulative.. and gosh darn it.. Cornelius was PUSHING me closer to CHRIST! He was doing what Ephesians 5 said to do! The process was HARD but it was so worth it! The proof is in that PUDDING baby! I had PEACE about Cornelius. God told me to PRAY earnestly for him when I didn’t’ like the way he was treating me. God told me to be sweet with him & love him earnestly. The difference between this relationship & all others is GOD was giving me the HOOK-UP on how to work out my relationship! It was so cool & a BIG change from Him always telling me to break things off! Finally, GOD had an input!! So, then Cornelius proposed to me 1 year after we officially started courting… 8 months later, we got married. God remained first during the courting, engaged & now as husband & wife-process. He was never on the back-end.
Quick crazy story: While Cornelius & I were engaged, a woman came up to him at church and said “The Lord told me that you’re supposed to be my husband.” Cornelius said, I’m sorry– I’m “engaged”– she said “you aint married yet.” When Cornelius told me this story– my heart broke. I wanted to find the woman & talk to her & explain to her all of the above. Sis, don’t be that girl. Pinky Promise.
Our wedding day 8/14/2010
So I want to encourage you ladies to REST. Sometimes, we want to awaken LOVE before it’s time (Song of Solomon 2:7). So calm down sister. If God told you– He will tell him, YOU don’t need to go running around, telling some man that “The Lord told you that he is going to be your husband.” You’re only going to freak him out and embarrass yourself. Just bite your tongue & stay focused on what GOD called YOU to do. Then, you’ll look up and HE will be PURSUING you. Then, you’ll smile and laugh with God.
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God loves you like crazy,