So, everybody around you is getting engaged! Every day you log onto facebook you find that YET another person is engaged! Although you’re happy for them, deep down– you’re thinking umm.. ANOTHER PERSON?! UGH! WHEN IS MY TIME?!??! You go to church, pray, spend time with God, you’re living right but HOW is it that all of your unsaved co-workers are now engaged.. or all your friends are engaged, married.. having kids but you find yourself.. still single.
I just want to encourage you today sis. I have felt how you’ve felt and I have been where you’ve been. First and foremost, you have got to stop comparing your life to another person. You’ve heard this before but I’m going to remind you that you’re a Christian. You have the Holy Spirit living on the inside of you. Do you know what that means to all of heaven??! You’ve been adopted, set apart, pulled aside, HIDDEN and PROTECTED under the care of CHRIST. Do you think He’s going to just let you run off any marry some of anybody??! Anybody can get a ring honey. You can walk outside and pick a random up off the street and make him marry you. Proverbs 24:1 says: Be not envious of evil men, nor desire to be with them. So.. that should clear up being jealous of a bunch of random unsaved people that are getting engaged. They don’t belong to Christ which means that CHRIST has no say-so in their relationships! The WORST feeling in the world is for you to walk down the aisle to a man that you KNOW God didn’t tell you to marry! Yes, God is always speaking. He’s always with you. Are you listening? And this isn’t the time to run and preach to them that they shouldn’t be getting married if they aren’t saved. Bashing them over the head with the bible once engaged won’t make them run to Christ. Just smile, hug them and say congratulations while you pray for their salvation.
Each season in your life will develop to the next one. If you’re worrying non-stop about getting married, you’ll finally get married and then you’ll worry about kids. “Everybody is having kids and you don’t have any kids.” Then, you’ll finally get pregnant and then you’ll compare yourself to all of the other pregnant women and worry about your entire pregnancy. Then, kids will finally come and then you will compare your kids to everybody else’s child. Do you see how destructive this cycle is??! And remember, we’re Christians. Jesus is so clear to us when He tells us..
Philippians 4:6-7
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
So.. are you allowing His peace to guard your mind during this season of your life? Or are you on a mad search to “finds you a man?” I want to encourage you to get off of your dating sites as you “SEEK” a spouse and get on your face before God & “SEEK” Him. Don’t let being single make you bitter sis. GET UP! You shouldn’t be in that waiting room waiting for him! Single life is NOT a waiting room for MARRIAGE. Marriage is ministry and if you were lazy with your walk with God while single when you get married, you’ll get smacked in the face by the EFFORT that it takes to make a marriage GOOD & last. We wait for cars, we wait at the doctors, we wait for the train, we wait for appointments. And when the mechanic, our ride, the doctor or the train is LATE.. we get frustrated! We look at our watch & we’re like come ON!! If you don’t know what train you’re supposed to get on, you’ll hop on any train that comes because you’re TIRED of waiting. Some of us have been on the wrong train for awhile and we need to get off of it because it’s PUSHING us further and further away from our destination. Some of us have been “dating” men that we WISH would marry us but we know deep down that that fool has zero standards and no relationship with God. He won’t spend time with God, he won’t pray, he would rather play with your body then study the bible, he is CLEARLY not husband material but you would rather in that moment forgo being SINGLE than to have to deal with being lonely again.
God was MUCH more concerned about my purpose than changing my last name. He knew that He needed to pair me with someone who was individually pursing Christ the same way that I was pursing Him. I believe that if it was the will of God for my life, I would have waited even longer before I met Cornelius BUT God KNEW that we would come together & get BUSY about the Kingdom of God. He knew our hearts. He knew we wanted to please Him. He knew that our #1 concern in pursing His name. We were individually pursing Christ alone. The fork finally met & we knew within 15 minutes of meeting on January 3, 2009 that we were getting married one day.
Sis, I want to encourage you to get back to the place of worship and begin to trust God wholeheartedly. As a NOW wife I SEE how much work goes into a marriage and I’m telling you that you want homeboy to have the basics. You’re going to want your one-day marriage to glorify God and then when you DO have kids.. you’re going to want your HUSBAND to lead your household as a Christian leader. You may not see how important it is because your clock is “ticking” but I want to remind you that Sarah got pregnant at 99. If you don’t know who Sarah is– read Genesis.
So remove the words “I’m waiting for my man” from your vocabulary and replace them with “I TRUST GOD’S TIMING concerning EVERY AREA.” We must become desperate for Christ and stop being desperate for a relationship.
You didn’t get a ring this engagement season because it’s not your TIME. YOUR ADAM has yet to awake (click on the link for the blog about it) and you cannot let those around you that are getting married DISTRACT you. On Christmas day 2008, I spent it alone with my family as a single woman. I met my now husband 9 days later. He proposed 12 months later.. on Christmas day 2009. You never know how God can turn things around! First step: Be content wherever He has you right now! Trust that if that DOOR was supposed to be opened, HE would have opened it.
So what do you do in the interim?
1. Guard your heart: If Facebook is ruffling your feathers, maybe you need to pull away from it for a little while so you can focus. Stop watching stupid shows on TV that include sex, adultery, fantasies, or whatever else. Don’t you realize those things can OPEN a door into your heart?
2. Be happy for others: If you aren’t happy with yourself, you won’t be able to be happy with others. So sit before God & be honest. You can tell Him that you’re jealous & bitter and TIRED of being single. Ask Him to HELP you to want to WANT to be ok with being single.
3. Ask Him to show you the joys of being single. Get prepared to get tested.. but don’t worry, the tests will make you stronger & mature you. Remember that you’re SUPPOSED to be doing something during this season. What is God trying to accomplish & get you to DEVELOP in? Is He having a hard time because you’re ignoring Him & focused on .. this world?
4. Find a local church & get involved! Surround yourself with like-minded Christian women! If you aren’t in a Pinky Promise group, there’s about 300 groups all over the world! These groups are SISTERHOODS. Period. We encourage each other– build each other up. Work on studies every month and really keep each other accountable. www.pinkypromisemovement.com
5. SPEND TIME WITH GOD! Honey, when you’re on your face before God– you don’t have time to be worry about what is on sister susie’s ring hand finger! You’re BUSY about PURSING God and you’re TIRED at the end of the day. You won’t have time to be jealous of anybody.
Stay focused & encouraged sis!
And before I go.. I’m BEYOND excited to announce that my FIRST book is being released next Friday, January 4th!!!! This book is for the woman that is completely dressed up and broken inside. It’s for the woman that feels like.. she isn’t doing enough, saved enough or whatever-enough. It’s truly the all-in-one book for the woman after God’s own heart! It will be available via Kindle, Amazon & my own personal site! To pair with the book, “Pink Lips & Empty Hearts” I’m coming out with my OWN lipstick line with 3 shades of PINK! I will share those details later AND the link to purchase the book when I have it!
And speaking of rings.. I have a Pinky Promise Sterling Silver ring that you can wear on your left ring hand finger that serves as a reminder that you’re married to Christ (Isaiah 54:5). So wear IT or another ring as a reminder until your one-day husband replaces it with your engagement ring. You can find it at the Pinky Promise Store! www.heatherlove.bigcartel.com. I’ve always said if you want a ring so bad, buy one & get over the hype. 🙂
AND Check out my new website that has my calendar and other fun updates about the new church we’re starting in Atlanta, GA! 🙂 www.heatherllindsey.com!
God LOVES you like CRAZY,
Heather Lindsey
It was worth the trust.
You might also like
