So, last week marked 1 year since I gave birth to my beautiful son, Logan William Lindsey. I felt like it was fitting to do a blog on “My Birth Story” since I have yet to share it with you all. I attempted to post this on Logan’s birthday but we had a huge 1st birthday party and I had a ton of family & friends in town! 🙂
Before I get into the story, I want to share some “behind the scenes” of our desire to have children. If you watched the Pinky Promise Conference last year, you know that we shared our story about having a miscarriage prior to getting pregnant with Logan.
On March 5th, 2011 we found out that we were pregnant. Was I happy? Not really. That sounds really bad, but we had only been married for 6 months, we just moved to a new city, and I was still trying to figure out this whole marriage and purpose thing! We didn’t have The Gathering Oasis and Pinky Promise– it was just me and the hubby. So, I cried. I cried because I felt like if I get pregnant, my life and body would be OVER. Coming from living in NYC for 7 years, I had learned to think that “career” was first. You focus on your career and THEN, down the line, include kids. So, needless to say, my husband was THRILLED and I wasn’t too happy about it.
I made an appointment with the doctor and they did an ultrasound. We didn’t see a baby in there and I was measuring pretty early– so I figured, by the next appointment, I will see a baby and a heartbeat. So, we continued to go to the doctor and we only saw a sac, no baby.
I was devastated!
We were only about 6-7 weeks in and by then, we had discussed our future baby and I was settled in the idea that I was going to have a baby! I was EXCITED! Then, I started to bleed. It first it was light and then it was really heavy with blood clots! I’m thinking, what the heck is this? I kept going to the doctor and getting my bloodwork done and they told me that my numbers weren’t doubling and that although my body thinks it’s pregnant, there’s no baby and soon, my body would reject the sac. I sat down with the doctor and he told us the news we hoped to never hear: “I’m so sorry, you won’t be having a baby right now. Your body will reject the sac soon. So, you can either let it pass naturally or get a D and C. If you get the D and C, it will be over sooner than going through the pain of letting it pass naturally.
That night, we went home with tears in our eyes. Cornelius left to go teach a mens bible study on “Trusting God” and I assured him that I would be fine at the house alone. Then, I started to cramp really bad, more clots, more blood! I’m like, what.. is going on? Then, the cramps started coming faster– back to back. My body was reject the sac, less than 12 hours before my surgery! It felt like mini-LABOR pains. I remember rolling on the floor and calling out to God– telling Him that I trust Him no matter what happens. I called the hubby and told him that I cannot wait for him to get home, I was calling 911. So, I went to the ER– and ended up passing the sac there. Was it over? I wish. I ended up getting the surgery in the morning but found out 6 months later that they didn’t get all of the pregnancy tissue out of me. So, for another 6 months, my pregnancy tests showed positive along with the pregnancy symptoms. I continued to bleed for almost 6 months.
It was hard.
By then, I really wanted a baby. You see, I was so humbled by the whole situation and I wanted to get pregnant.
By October, my body was back to normal, but I had gone through so much. I asked God, “WHY is it that all these people are getting pregnant that don’t even WANT kids!!” I went through such a broken “valley” season because it seemed like I was getting tested over & over again. I learned that I cannot want anything more than I want Jesus Christ and if I do, I will most likely make an idol out of that person, thing or event.
So, as I was learning this– I started to track my ovulation like crazy and I researched “ways to get pregnant quickly”– I tried to get my husband to change his diet & I SCREAMED at him when his laptop was on his lap (I read that it cooked a mans area– was it true? Who knows, I was clearly placing my trust in the wrong place) and I became very controlling. I didn’t like the person that I was becoming and I found that I would get in spats with my husband. One day, he looked at me and said, “Heather, calm down. We have to trust God & stop trying to control this situation.”
It’s like I hit a brick wall that day. I pondered, “ME, God? Controlling?? I mean, I just want to do the natural part God! I just want .. to do MY part.” At that moment, God reminded me that it is HIM alone that opens and closes my womb. I started to do my research & I found that other women in the bible ALSO had experienced a similar situation. The thing is this:: when you’re going through a test, we have to stop relying on GOOGLE for our answers and OPEN up our SOURCE. So, I started studying out the bible & here are a few summaries:
Genesis 11:30; 21:1-7 – Sarah is barren. She is old. And according to the promise of God and by His power she gave birth to Isaac. She was beyond child bearing age, in her 90s, and she had a baby according to God’s plan and for His purposes.
Genesis 25:21– Rebekah was barren and yet as she and Isaac pleaded with God and trusted Him, in His time and according to His plan she gave birth to Jacob and Esau.
Genesis 29:31; 30:1-2; 22-24– Rachel was barren and her barrenness was a source of strife in the family. And after seeing other children born to her husband from other wives God finally opened her womb, twice. Consider the fruit of her womb, so to speak. Joseph was used of God to preserve the nation of Israel and the world around the middle east as he was elevated in the Court of Pharaoh and implemented a plan to deal with seven years of famine. And her second born, Benjamin is no less significant. One of his descendants wrote most of the New Testament! His name was Saul, and was later changed to Paul.
Judges 13:2-3; 24 – Manoah’s wife was barren but later, as God ordained it, she gave birth to Samson, a mighty man and a judge over Israel.
1 Samuel 1:1-11 – Hannah was barren and so grieved that as she prayed a priest thought she was drunk! And yet according to God’s plan in answer to her prayer, her womb was opened and she gave birth to Samuel, the prophet who anointed Kings in Israel.
Luke 1:5-7; 13-17; 24-25; 57-58 – And then there was Elizabeth. Also barren. No children and aging. And after Gabriel brought the news to her husband, she conceived and gave birth to John the Baptizer, the one who fulfilled prophecy and came to announce the coming of the Messiah.
So, by now, we are in April of 2012, just about one year after the miscarriage. I went to the Lord, like Hannah & poured my heart out to God. I told Him that I wanted a son, and that I would dedicate my son back to the Lord and I would teach my son to live for HIM. I deleted all of my apps that tracked my ovulation and I took my mind totally OFF of getting pregnant.
One month later, we found out that we were pregnant with Logan! Ahh! WHAT a joy! We were SO happy, so shocked, so thrilled! We were surprised because we totally weren’t trying anymore. How did I find out out?
Well, first, I was EXHAUSTED. I had really bad heartburn, was bloated and it seemed like my brain cells were gone! lol, seriously! I put the fresh spinach in the pot drawer. I kept doing really weird things! Then, I rationalized that I wasn’t pregnant because I’ve just been busy and maybe I’m just eating too many spicy foods.
In New Orleans! The day after we found out!
I was visiting my sister-in-love and she kept telling me to take a test! So, I took a test and it was negative. I thought to myself, see! I knew I wasn’t pregnant! I didn’t get mad or upset at the test– instead I just told God that I trust Him and He opens wombs. Then, I started to get a TON of emails and messages from people saying that they had a dream that I was pregnant. I laughed and thought– I’m so not pregnant! One week later, I took another test– and RIGHT as I was taking it, I heard the Lord say, “The test is going to be positive, don’t worry.” He said NOT to worry because that very MONTH, me & the hubby decided that I would stop consulting for a company I worked with for about 4 years in New York ( I worked from home). My husband was already in full time ministry and it was going to be a TOTAL faith walk! AND we were in the middle of moving! So, I’m thinking– Lord, we are moving and I’m pregnant which means I cannot do as much!
So, the test was positive and I took it to my husband who was on the phone with his mother. He smiled in TOTAL shock! I don’t think it totally registered to him. A few weeks later, we had our first ultrasound. ALL I wanted was to SEE a baby and HEAR a heartbeat. I remember that sound like it was yesterday! Tears came to my eyes as I thought, gosh, we are having a baby!
Throughout the pregnancy I had to continue to cast down stupid thoughts that anything bad would happen to my womb. When you go through a miscarriage, those stupid thoughts try to haunt you but I had the Holy Spirit whispering in my ear that “God is babysitting Logan in my womb. HE keeps him alive. HE is with Him.” And that babysitting & protecting Logan doesn’t stop after he is born. It will go on into eternity.
So, I ate super healthy, drank green smoothies daily, took my probiotic, a pre-natal, I exercised and I REF– USED to stress out. Remember when you’re pregnant that your baby feels everything that you feel. I would read to Logan while he was in my belly and I would pray with him. He became my little best friend.
So, onto my birth story.
Can I be real with you? I wanted a natural birth. I watched “The Business of Being Born”(TOTALLY RECOMMEND!) on Netflix and thought, I can do this! It’s totally mind over matter and I CAN go natural!
So, I wrote out a ton of scriptures on trusting God and that babies are a gift from the Lord. I wanted to make sure I was prepared on that day when I went into labor. As I went throughout the pregnancy, I noticed that Logan (BBL= baby boy lindsey) was a BIG boy. He was measuring about 6 or 7 pounds at 7.5 months which made me a little nervous! I’m like, how BIG is he going to be Lord? And I’m not a large woman. I’m about 5’8 and pre-baby was 120 pounds. At about 7.5 months I had gained almost 25 pounds and my doctor actually TOLD me to go on a diet! Needless to say, she stopped being my doctor after that and a few other things. She kept trying to put fear in my heart about Logan being such a big baby. I’m like, you’re either on my team or not woman! I get that you are a doctor but you’re not helping me by telling me to not eat as much because my son is growing so fast. I told her, “diet? I eat vegetables and fruits all day! She said, “Fruits have sugars.” lol– nonetheless, I continued to eat very healthy, worked out and simply trusted God.
ONE week before the Pinky Promise Conference (Jan 24, 2013), I was on BEDREST for really bad round ligament pain. I couldn’t walk because my hips and body was spreading to accommodate Logan! My husband had to carry me around so I was really just trusting God that I would be able to preach twice and walk at the conference. Thank God I was totally fine a week later! 🙂
By 40 weeks of pregnancy, my new doctor (same office, new doctor) continued to see if I dilated. Nothing. .5 cm MAYBE. At this point, the doctor gave me a couple options. He said that I can wait things out OR I can get induced on March 12th. Personally, I wanted to go into labor NATURALLY because I felt like if I get induced with drugs then I’m going to eventually need drugs to sustain me. So, I walked, I ate a ton of eggplant, and rolled on my Yoga ball for hours– hoping this baby would come out! And.. nothing happened. I learned quickly that babies come when they want to come, not when we try to force them out. Throughout this time, I kept getting Braxton Hicks contracts pretty bad– but still no baby.
So, I went into prayer and discussed things with Cornelius and God placed it on my heart to go into the hospital on March 12th to get induced. Although it wasn’t what I wanted to do, I had a peace and almost an urgency to move the process along. I went into the hospital that night at 6pm. I was prepared with my scriptures, my yoga ball, a snack can for the nurses (hey, they’re helping me out!), and a ton of snacks for the hubby!
I forgot what they did (although I researched it like crazy at that time)– but it was supposed to help me dilate & get the labor process started. I slept with it that night and I woke up & they started to officially induce me. My hope was that I would go into labor naturally– but still nothing. My doctor came in and broke my water. And he found that Logan already had his first bowl movement in my belly– which means that when I did give birth, we have to be very careful that he doesn’t take a deep breath & inhale stool. It was another sign that Logan had to come out soon.
So, for the next 12-15 hours, I had contractions back to back and I was still being induced SLOWLY, (I told them to slowly increase inducing me because I wanted a fighting chance at going natural) and soon– my contractions came every couple minutes and they lasted a good 10 LONG seconds! I would roll on my yoga ball as my hubby rubbed my back and I said scriptures. I was so determined to get through it! By 8pm, I was EXHAUSTED and I kept having contractions & guess what.. I only dilated 3 cm! WHAT? I was shocked! WHERE is this baby? What about my plans God? I had plans for a quick & easy labor! Help me God! So, my contractions are still coming non-stop with the help of the machine & my body wouldn’t go into labor by itself– which of course– would mean that I wasn’t ready to go into labor, right? Well, I just had an urgency to get my son out and I knew that I couldn’t have waited another couple weeks.
So, then– at about 8:30pm, all the sudden I see the monitor make this weird noise and then ALL of the nurses and doctors RUSH in, put on oxygen mask on me & they’re trying to find Logan’s heartbeat. I’m like, wait, HUH? What is going on??! What is wrong? So, Logan’s heart rate was starting to drop with each contraction. The stress from being in labor for awhile was beginning to get to him. So, they’re trying to find his heart beat and my husband is holding my arm & praying with me.
My doctor said, Heather, you have 2 choices. You can keep doing this for a few more DAYS and there’s a chance that Logan’s health will be in great danger OR you can have a C-section and you will meet him in 30 minutes.
I’m thinking– Lord, this was not a part of the plan. It was supposed to be easier than this. It was supposed to be.. natural in every way.
Then, I reminded myself that although things may not always pan out the way that we want them to pan out, God will still be with me along the journey. He will still help me. He’s there. I decided in that moment to stop trying to wonder or question and let go.
I told the doctor “That I’m not trying to win a medal for going natural, I want my son to be healthy and HIS health is a PRIORITY to me. That is all that matters to me.” So, I went and had a C-section. Logan William Lindsey was born on 9:17pm on March 13th, 2013
We found out a few things.
1. His umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck a few times and everytime he tried to descend, the cord continued to get wrapped up in his neck. There was no way he could have came out naturally.
2. He was 10 pounds and 1 oz!! He was SUCH a big boy! The doctor actually said that he was a “linebacker” as he began to pull him out! lol!
After the C-section, they had to run tests on him and I was nervous because my goal was to do skin-to-skin RIGHT after he was born and to breastfeed. So, when they finally brought him to me, I latched him on and he started eating right away! He was so greedy! haha! AND 1 year later and I’m still breastfeeding! 🙂 The bond we have together is like nothing I’ve ever experienced! I adore that little guy!
So, how was the recovery? It wasn’t bad at all! I couldn’t go up or down our stairs for 2 weeks, but after that I was better. I had a great doctor so the cut is pretty much non-existant! I think a perk of eating healthy, working out and breastfeeding was that I lost almost ALL of my baby weight within 2-3 weeks!
So, as I look over everything and I ask myself what would I have done differently? Nothing at all. I believed God throughout the entire time and I trusted HIM regardless of the outcome. Living for Jesus doesn’t always mean that everything will be easy, perfect or that things will work out according to what you prayed– but it does mean that HE will be with you along your journey. When sin entered this earth, women had to endure childbirth and things happen like miscarriages and hard labors. It happens. While pregnant, you may have bad days. You may have this or that, but if Jesus is truly the center of your heart– there’s nothing you cannot accomplish through Him. He’s right there babysitting YOU.. & your baby.
A few photos from Logan’s Southern Royal Bash! We had so much fun!
Just a few things:
1. I opened up a Pinky Promise Boutique!!! Think fashionable, fabulous purity rings, cross bracelets, journals, statement necklaces & so much more for women! Check it out via www.pinkypromiseboutiques.com.
2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It’s out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey’s
3. If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: “The Gathering Oasis” 931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.
4. My book is selling like crazy! I’m so thankful for all of you that have supported! Check it out here: My New Book! Pink Lips & Empty Hearts: www.PinkLipsAndEmptyHearts.com AND my new book, “A Perfect Recipe” here!
5. Register for the 2014 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year, so you don’t want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com
6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There’s about 21,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here:www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com
7. We are hosting a Marriage Retreat in August & a Single Retreat in October & so far, both events are almost sold out! We would LOVE to meet you! Join us via www.thegonow.com under events!
God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey
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