**(Before we start reading, I was actually writing a chapter in my new book, “The Runaway Bride” and I titled the chapter “The Insecure Bride.” I felt led by the Lord to share a snippet of the chapter with you. Note that this isn’t the entire chapter, but you can find the rest of it on June 5, 2015 on this site when it goes live! :))**
One of satans biggest weapons is doubt. Satan loves for us to question who we are and how we measure up to others (Ephesians 2:1-2; Ephesians 6:12; 1 Samuel 16:7). He wants us to feel insecure over the meaning and purpose of our lives, where we’re going, and how we’ll get there. If Satan can get you to doubt God, then you don’t think that He will use you. If satan can get you to doubt your looks, you will think that God spent less time on you and more time on another. If satan can get you to doubt your purpose, you will chase after money, get rich schemes and other things– all distracting you from your main purpose. More than anything, if Satan can get you to doubt Gods love for you, you will quit on God all together.
I just exposed his plan. So now that you know that, lets fight BACK.
Have you ever felt insecure before? As women, I think its like a secret society where we pretend like we have it all together. We pretend like we are confident, we never compare our lives to anybody else, we always feel beautiful, we always have it all together.
Let me tell you right now that its a lie.
EVERY person on this earth has dealt with this area of insecurity.
Including me.
As you all know, I shared my story, “When I was Single” and I grew up in a small town where I constantly compared my looks to everybody else looks. Social media and technology wasn’t as popular so instead of comparing my life to a persons life on instagram, I compared my life to my classmates. It seems like they always got the guys and no guys from my school asked me out in elementary, middle school or even high school. I went to a predominately caucasian school and I honestly felt left out.
Well, maybe if my hair was straight enough.. or if I was skinner.. or if I was this or that, maybe guys would like me.
I measured myself by a mirror called men. If they gave me attention, I ran with it and I felt good about myself. If I walked by a group of guys and they didn’t give me attention, I would go home and feel rejected. Yes, it was that deep for me. Hey, I was 15, what do you expect?
Those insecurities didn’t leave me when I got to college, it only worsened. Now, I’m on a campus with 45,000 students and ALL of the sudden, men are giving me attention. I look around and think.. “WHO are they looking at because there’s NO way they are looking at me!” I CONSTANTLY looked at everybody else and compared my life to their life! I just wanted to feel enough. I just wanted to be enough. So, while in school my freshman year in college, I maxed out about 5 credit cards, buying clothes and makeup to make myself feel better about who I was. I figured that if I cannot fix this feeling on the inside, at least I can dress it up on the outside. I wore all of these clothes to fill this God-sized void in my heart that could ONLY be filled by God!
How FRUSTRATING! Then, I jumped into a relationship with someone and what did I see in him? Nothing. He was older and he gave me attention. The attention I once craved when I watched little boys flirt with little girls when I was 10 years old. The 10 year old girl in me wanted so bad to feel secure in who I was so I acted out on my insecurity by dating a man that had no standards. I didn’t know how I was supposed to be treated because my affection was hurt. “If you hurt me, it’s ok. I’m ride or die. I will ride and die for you because I have no standards and I don’t feel good about myself. I’m afraid that if you leave me, then I will be rejected and I don’t like that feeling. I don’t like being single because my security is in this relationship.”
Thankfully, I found my way right out of that relationship and eventually gave my life to Jesus after a couple more dysfunctional, purposeless relationships.
So now, I KNOW better not to be insecure, right? I gave my life to Jesus, He washes my rejection, hurt and pain away and now I’m all the sudden “confident that He that started a work in me will complete it.” – (Philippians 1:6) Psh, I wish.
I have to be honest, I think some people from the outside looking in, think that for some reason that I have it all together. Like I don’t have “ugly” moments, like I don’t feel insecure in the calling of ministry, like I don’t feel enough. Let me clear this up really quick so that you know you’re not the only one.
I have my moments where I feel absolutely not good enough, not pretty enough, like I didn’t preach a sermon right, like I didn’t write a blog right, like I didn’t do this or that right.
I want to highlight a few areas where I noticed insecurity hitting us the most as women.
Let’s look at the definition of insecure: to be insecure is to lack confidence or trust, whether in ourselves or someone else.
And to be totally honest and to call it what it is, insecurity is OUR failure to trust God.
Jeremiah 17:7-8
New Living Translation (NLT)
“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.
When we are insecure, we are placing our CONFIDENCE and our hope in something ELSE other than Jesus Christ. SO of course this world is wandering around here insecure. Do you know that the plastic surgery business is a BILLION dollar industry? If you don’t like it, let’s change it to make you more “appealing” to society. You want to get women? Make money. Find ways to make a lot of money so you can attract women. Their hope and security is in looks, money and temporary things.
So, the first area we are going to look at in regards to getting attacked with insecurity is our looks.
Your looks
In a world of photoshop, airbrush, youtube gurus who have crazy before & afters and whatever else, it may be hard to embrace who God called you to be. As I mentioned earlier, it started out with my looks but then it trickled into other areas where I used those areas to measure my security. Sadly, looks will fail you because they’re built on a foundation called society. You may feel like your hair isn’t curly enough, or straight enough, or you aren’t light enough or dark enough. You may walk into a room with other single Christians and immediately start comparing yourself to them because.. you feel like you’re not enough. Or, a guy at church may pass you over (And you REALLY liked him & thought you guys would court Gods way..) for one of your friends. Don’t you DARE let insecurity rob you from knowing that God hasn’t forgotten about you. God knows the desires of your heart and you lookin’ at this fine man at church but God is looking at his HEART. He’s saying’ baby girl, he may look good to you but his will and purpose doesn’t match yours. So, I’m going to protect you from this relationship. I’m going to keep you hidden so he doesn’t even look at you. YOU may be thinking it’s YOU He doesn’t like but it’s really God BLINDING his eyes from seeing your beauty.
On TOP of God hiding you, one group of people MAY think your pretty while in another culture, they think you’re unattractive. I recall meeting a family in an african country who told me that my husband was unhappy because he was skinny and I needed to feed him more. Whoa. Huh? In their country, the men and women were much larger because the larger you are, the more “prosperous” and happy you are. Huge change from America huh?
Today, we must recognize that our looks ain’t everything. You can have all the looks in the world and die tomorrow. Or, you could get into an accident and lose your looks. We must settle this truth that
“And those who know Your name put their trust in You, for You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You” (Psalm 9:10). We must get back to our first love. Our real trust. And that’s in Jesus. Our hope and our confidence is in Him, not some mans opinion of us.
So, remember that you are BEAUTIFULLY and wonderfully MADE by God. He makes NO mistakes and your value isn’t found in a mans opinion. Settle this truth in your heart.
So, remember that you are BEAUTIFULLY and wonderfully MADE by God. He makes NO mistakes and your value isn’t found in a mans opinion. Settle this truth in your heart.
Lets look at another area where we are attacked, in our “status” or materials.
Money & Possessions
I believe that the world gives us a false sense of security when it comes to things. So, if you accumulate a lot of things, you’re blessed. If you don’t have much, you are cursed. If you don’t have the latest iPhone, newest car, biggest house, bank account or whatever else, then you’re considered a failure. It’s almost like whoever has the most toys wins in life and that’s totally incorrect and not biblical. The bible is clear when it tells us not to put our hope in things on this earth but in God alone.
1 Timothy 6:17
New Living Translation (NLT)
Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment.
I can assure you that money and things will bring insecurity to those who place their hope in them.
This can go for college as well. You may be getting a ton of degrees to feel valued because you don’t feel good about yourself, or you want to “prove” yourself to those who said you wouldn’t be anything. What a terrible reason to get into debt! People bondage. Or, even you parents! (gasp!) We must be led by the Lord in our purpose and not others expectations. What if you weren’t called to be a lawyer or a doctor? What if God called you to do something else? I know in some cultures, it’s considered disrespectful to disobey your parents but I would rather feel some heat on this earth than to stand before God and be judged on an entire life of disobedience all because I wanted to place my earthly parents. If you’re in this situation, pray and ask the Lord to change or move on your parents heart
Matthew 10:37 – “If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. We must love God more than anything or anyone and in loving Him, we remain obedient to Him at all times. We are currently saving for our sons, Logan’s “purpose” fund. Not an educational fund. If God doesn’t call Him to college, why would we make him go? God may call him to preach. Or to do something else and we support what the Lord has called him to do. I know it’s almost unheard of to walk by faith but this is why we have a bunch of people in positions and they are miserable. God aint’ call you to that honey, it’s time to get on your face & go to where He’s telling YOU to go.
Worrying about the Future
Another area I find that people struggle in and even my own life is being worried about the future. Oh God, what if I never get married? Oh God, what if I can’t graduate, oh God, what if my husband divorces me like my dad divorced my mom? What am I going to eat tomorrow? Lord, I don’t have any money! I thought you said you would take care of me? Lord, what if the guy I’m courting isn’t a good leader, how can I trust him even though I know you showed me he is Gods best!
Matthew 6:31-34
“Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow.”
This goes back to my point earlier, insecurity in God providing for you will cause you to doubt HIS provisions! If you doubt that God will provide for you, fear will grow in your heart followed by no peace and eventually depression. You will begin to meditate on your situation or “what ifs” over, “Lord, you’re faithful. I trust you. Show me what to do. Give me wisdom Lord.
Distractions of this world
Insecurity may also result from being preoccupied with the things of the world: “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him” (1 John 2:15). Let’s be clear, security is not to be found in this world’s people, things, or institutions, including government institutions. Some people become obsessed with having the right leaders in government, the right laws, and the right policies. When the government is in the wrong hands the nation is doomed. However, the Bible teaches us that God is in control and His sovereignty extends to governmental leaders (Proverbs 21:1; Daniel 2:21). While we should practice good citizenship and vote our conscience, we must also recognize that government policy cannot save us. Only God can do that (Isaiah 33:22; Psalm 143:6).
Church Leaders, parents, boyfriends or husbands
Lastly, we can at times put our trust and hope in our pastors, parents (especially their bank accounts), boyfriends or husbands. We must understand that MAN can and WILL let you down. Our trust and foundation must be in Christ alone as HE is the only true foundation. “So this is what the Sovereign LORD says: ‘See, I lay a stone in Zion, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who relies on it will never be stricken with panic’” (Isaiah 28:16). Jesus is the solid rock and our only hope of security (Matthew 7:24). So, insecurity CAN be birthed from placing all of our hope in the WRONG people and then when you get let down by them, you can began to charge other people like “everybody is the same.” Even, (gasp) your husband. I love my husband, but he isn’t my god. I look past him and I put my expectations in the Lord and trust Him. What if God forbid, something happened to my husband and all of my hope was in him? And don’t let your hope be in your boyfriend who isn’t interested in Christ. You will lower your standards because you don’t feel good about yourself and do things that are on ungodly to keep this man. Your insecurities are setting your standards, not God. It’s time to be free sis.
These are just a few areas, but let’s be real here, the reason for our insecurities is because we are focused on ourselves. We are too preoccupied about our life, our future, our money, our stuff, our looks and everything else. The bible warns against self-absorption and pride in Romans 12:3. Remember that GOD started this work in you and you HAVE to let Him COMPLETE IT! Pull out your scriptures, spend time with God daily, cut off crazy relationships and identify what areas in your life are birthing insecurities!
True security comes when you recognize that “God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19). When struggling with feelings of insecurity, never forget God’s promise: “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” (Isaiah 26:3). So now, when I get tested, I remind myself that I will believe the best, and that God started and finished a work in YOU and that I trust Him. There’s a battle going on in your mind and it’s time to surrender that a battle and give it to the Lord.
Just a few things:
1. Find my (3) books, purity rings, shirts & all that good stuff via pinkypromiseboutiques.com!
2. We have developed an APP! Think: daily post notifications + weekly devotionals, recipes and so much more! It’s out NOW for iphones + Androids. Under Heather & Cornelius Lindsey: Today With the Lindsey’s
3. If you live in Atlanta, I want to invite you to our church. Join us on Sundays at 11:00am at Landmark Midtown Art Cinemas. Our churches name is: “The Gathering Oasis” 931 Monroe Drive NE Atlanta, GA.
4. Register for the 2015 Pinky Promise in Atlanta, GA! It sold out last year and it’s ALMOST sold out now, so you don’t want to miss out! www.pinkypromiseconference.com
6. As always, you can join a Pinky Promise group locally! There’s about 33,000 ladies that have joined! Find a group near you by joining & checking out the intro page! Join here: www.PinkyPromiseMovement.com
7. Pinky Promise is hosting a statewide baby shower for low income & single mamas in Atlanta, GA on September 12. If you want to donate or be a part of it, please email pinkypromisequestions@gmail.com For donations only, you can send the payment via PayPal to pinkypmovement@gmail.com & be sure to note that its for the Statewide Baby Shower. All donations are tax deductible.
8. I’m headed to California & VA/DC area in April. Check my calendar for event details!
God loves you like crazy,
Heather Lindsey
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