What is a collector? A collector is a man or a woman that collects people and keeps them around that they aren’t 100% sold on. They do this because they like certain aspects about you, but it’s not enough to full commit to you. So, they collect relationships in their phone and they reach out just enough to keep you hanging on a string. When you begin to complain about not getting enough time or energy, they either get upset, disappear only to return another day or they are very apologetic. All three tactics are to keep you around — still, without commitment.
Don’t get me wrong, men and women can both be collectors. If I can keep it real, I was once a collector, so it defintely happens. But, because I like to talk directly to my sisters and preach to them because I am one, I am going to refer towards men.
These men will sleep with you, take you out on dates, text you late at night when they’re bored and find ways to keep you around just enough where you will be waiting and hoping that there’s a chance for a relationship. Although you may not recognize it, they pick you up off of the shelf and put you back on the shelf as they feel led. They don’t respect nor value you. They would never see themselves marrying you and can cut you off the moment they meet someone they really want to be with. This is why most times, your relationship is “private” and not out in the open. The collector blames it on, “keeping your business to yourselves.”
I actually dated a guy like that on and off for about seven years. SEVEN YEARS. Everytime he would text me, I would get so excited. I was always hoping that we would one day work out.. (I thought in my head.) But, all the while, he continued to have babies by other women and he made zero effort to pursue me. Only, when it was convenient. “I wasn’t like other women. I was like his best friend that understood him.” (honey, that’s a lie) He only really reached out when he was in town, when him and his 10 other women weren’t working out. When he was bored. And, I let him. So, I now blame myself for even entertaining that foolishness as a single. Of course, I have forgiven myself 🙂 But, if I can encourage you to recognize a collector, cut him off quickly.
I remember having this dream about him and in the dream, I was walking with him and we were going down different pathways together and at the end of each pathway was a different woman. I would watch him flirt with her and completely ignore me. I was so mad in my dream because there were SO many women. Then, I heard the Lord say, “Let him go Heather, there is no profit in this relationship.”
Well, needless to say, that was the last time I dealt with him. What a waste of time! I was hoping and praying that this guy would see my worth and value. The thing is, he talked all the good talk. When I got saved, He talked about the bible/Jesus with me. Then, right before the dream, he told me that God told him that I was supposed to be his wife. (#BoyBye)
The crazy thing is, based on the worlds standards, this guy looked amazing on paper. He had it together from the worlds standpoint. Huge figure salary and all. But, biblically, we were absolutely unequally yoked. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says: Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? I was almost willing to FORCE it to work because of our “history.” I can assure you that I would NOT be doing what I am doing today if he was my leader or my head in marriage. I would have TEAMED up with darkness and absolutely settled in that relationship. I knew we had little in common, except. History.
I am thankful that the Lord shut that relationship down and that next year, I met my now husband. One of the first questions Cornelius asked me was “Who helps me carry my groceries?” Now, if I was entertaining the woman collector, then I would have had that answer for him. And, we may not have talked because godly men want a godly woman, not a woman that jumps from man to man, looking for worth and value.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I forgave the woman collector after that dream and I understood that he wasn’t a believer, (even though he claimed to be, his life clearly proved otherwise) so I am sharing this so that you won’t be deceived and hurt when he marries the woman he really wants to be with.
It’s important that even if this guy goes to your church, that you recognize a woman collector. So, yes, he can be in the church, serving, praying and SILL struggle with this area. Just because he is in church doesn’t mean that he believes what is being preached. Hey may, just like attention and you give it to him. This is why it’s vital that we test every spirit. “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.” (1 John 4:1). Testing the spirits means that one must know how to “examine the Scriptures.” Rather than accept every teaching, discerning Christians diligently study the Scriptures. Then YOU know what the Bible says and therefore can “test all things and hold fast to what is true.” In order to do this, a Christian must “be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15). The Word of God is to be “a lamp” and “a light” to our path (Psalm 119:105). We must let its light shine on the teachings and doctrines of the day; the Bible alone is the standard by which all truth must be judged.
Now, if you’re looking at that man to be the priest of your household, then it’s VITAL that you have a relationship with Jesus for yourself so that the Holy Spirit can WARN you ahead of time of those guys that are seeking to string you along. He may be sweet with his words, but the Holy Spirit can read between those lines and tell you that you’re getting played.
The danger in getting wrapped up in these relationships is that you create an entire life with someone who is creating a life with someone else. Your number and time is just there when times get rough or they’re fighting for the zillionth time. He will tell you whatever lies he can to keep you around, to sleep with you just one more time and whatever else. You are being — USED. Let the little birdie fly and go get focused on what God has called you to do.
WHAT a waste of time!! The bible tells us to fill our minds with GOOD things that are worthy of report, not stalking that man’s social media and wondering if he is going to call you back. My sister, it doesn’t TAKE all of that. YOU are worth SO much more. A godly man wouldn’t take a chance on losing you to another. So, he won’t play games.
So, if you recognize one of these guys, cut them off. Or, if you are one of these people, just stop it. You’re sowing some pretty nasty seeds. You won’t want to see the harvest of heartbreak over and over again because it may happen to you. Don’t keep people around to stroke your ego. Don’t lead people on. Instead, pursue Jesus with all of your heart.
The biggest thing I hearing the Lord say while writing this is that these types of relationships are DISTRACTIONS. Big distractions to get you off course. Let’s get back on course, block the collectors in every way and press forward to the mark of the high calling through Jesus Christ! You’re unavailability single.
Heather Lindsey
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